Jimmy Page – Lucifer Rising (And Other Sound Tracks)
I've never listened to this record all the way through, because I'm convinced it carries a curse in its grooves. But when I was writing The Tangle I slipped it on a couple of times, it matched the droning malevolence of the text. I've had a fascination with the dark lord Jimmy Page since I was young, and our paths have crossed a few times without a word ever been spoken. Here is a list of our strange meetings.

1. My mother worked in Slough as a cook in that building by the station that you see at the start of 'the Office'. One of her co- worker's sisters was Jimmy Page's secretary. I asked her if she could pass on my admiration to Jimmy. He returned the compliment with a Knebworth programme, some badges and... a lasso.

2. My Dad had a vasectomy at a hospital in Windsor. I went to visit him dressed in my denim attire. I had a 'zoso' patch on my jeans. I was in the waiting room reading a comic, when I looked up, I saw Jimmy Page picking up his prescription from the counter. Our eyes locked. He looked at my 'zoso' patch. Before I could say 'I’m not stalking you, my dad's having a vasectomy' he ran out the door.

3. Years later I was asked to DJ at Sir Peter Blake's 80th birthday party. It was packed to the rafters with rock legends. I was way beyond star struck and decided I needed a drink to steady my nerves. I found myself at the bar, eyes fixed on the bar keep. I took a moment to check out my fellow drinkers. To the left Anna Ford, to the right Jimmy Page. Dear God. This was my chance to break the ice with some bar room chit chat, no longer rock God and fan, but simple human beings in need of refreshment. In true Larry David style, I made a few attempts at smiling, offered them a plate of canapes which they politely refused, and then ran away.