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Mr Agreeable

Krautrock? Sauer Sot Mr Agreeable Unhappy With Future Days
Mr Agreeable , August 15th, 2014 04:16

Mr Agreeable once took a holiday in Southern Bavaria and for reasons that remain unclear has been furious at our Teutonic cousins ever since. Therefore tidings of a new book about German experimental music from the 60s and 70s broke his poached egg...

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Future Days: Krautrock And The Building Of Modern Germany is a chronicle of the German experimental music scene of the late 1960s and early 1970s, examining how it arose from the post-war cultural situation in West Germany and, despite being largely ignored in its own time, went on to become hugely influential, a largely unsung testimony to the German capacity for regeneration and innovation. Or, put another way, a f***ing doorstopper of a tome dedicated to one of the most woodwarpingly tedious f***ing genres of modern times, made by a bunch of f***ing strangers to the tune, the razor blade and the f***ing point, who if I’d f***ing had my way would have been rounded up, their heads pinned down on f***ing tabletops and forcibly f***ing shaved by specialist squads of f***ing sheep shearers flown in from f***ing Australia! 

“Krautrock”? Sure, it was a f***ing insulting term. Like calling French guitar music Frog Rock. And sure, it was invented by some English hack. But don’t you get it? We were trying to be f***ing kind. No f***ing disrespect but you’re German. You do cakes, sausages, beer and long f***ing roads. You  drive home in your Mercedes, listen to some f***ing yodelling music on the wireless then go to f***ing bed at 8.45 pm. That’s how it’s meant to f***ing be. What you weren’t meant to f***ing do was sit cross-legged and play f***ing four hour flute solos to bewildered rows of Düsseldorf f***ing art students. Sure they were all on f***ing drugs. They’d f***ing need to be! Eased the f***ing pain! Frankly you’d need to be under general f***ing anaesthetic to get through the first four f***ing Amon Düül albums! 

Let’s go through some of f***ing legends of this f***ing “unjustly ignored” scene, shall we? Can! When I think of the amount of f***ing blu-tack and number of two pence pieces punters must have stuck over their needle heads when they tried to play f***ing Can on vinyl to stop it jumping, only to realise that for reason that passeth even God’s understanding it was f***ing meant to sound like that, I f***ing weep. Go somewhere, you chorus averse c***s! Kraftwerk! That’s not singing, that’s the weak, bleating sound a f***ing goat makes after it’s had its f***ing throat slit! I’ve made better music than that assembling f***ing Meccano! Faust! Holy Christ, when they took the register at the local f***ing asylum and found themselves half a dozen short, they need have looked to further than the f***ing recorded studio nearby they’d all f***ing absconded to! Neu! Yep, why bother having more than one f***ing idea when you can just stretch the first shit one you have over four f***ing years? 

I mean, let’s just f***ing pause for a second - and f*** knows, you need to be very near a f***ing pause button when this f***ing anti-music’s playing - and consider the f***ing term “motorik”. Based on the f***ing idea that driving isn’t about a monotonous, tedious f***ing functional activity you have to do to get from f***ing A to B, ie to the f***ing off licence, to load up on kegs of f***ing megastrength brew, then f***ing off back home and imbibe yourself into a braincrushing stupor to help you forget that human is one long round of cheerless f***ing c***ache from cradle to f***ing crematorium! The driving itself isn’t the f***ing interesting bit, you Syndrome-stricken f***ing Euro-nerds! “Motorik”, my anus - we’re talking about the sort of f***ing people who don’t listen to records, they f***ing watch them - “the record on the table goes round and round - round and round - round and round - all day long.” Actually, that’s unfair, because at least that tune has a f***ing tune!

Tangerine Dream! Switch on a couple of f***ing synths to preset Drone mode, sneak out for a f***ing curry, then come back in two hours’ time to receive a round of applause from a concert hall full of stoned, gullible f***ing hippies! Yes, we get it, the cosmos is extremely f***ing boring, almost as boring as a f***ing Autobahn, a place where f*** all happens forever, not unlike your first 26 f***ing albums! Conrad Schnitzler! Well, what can I say other than that there was a bloke who needed to put in some sort of old people’s home at the record breakingly f***ing young age of 30, so bereft of his f***ing marbles was he? “Don’t let him near the radio, he’ll start fiddling with the dial, he thinks he’s making music. Yes, I know, but there’s no telling him. One air raid siren too many when he was a f***ing kid.” 

Popol Vuh, soundtracker to the f***ing movies of Herzog! Well, there was a f***ing cinematic genius, as anyone whose slept through one of his f***ing movies will tell you - immortal classics steeped in one-finger drone music such as Dwarf In A Crate, The Man Who Mistook Himself For A Character, Straspulia (Or The Glass Hammer), The Enigma That Wasn’t, Slide Slowly Through Mud, The Wrath Of Paying Audiences, Plosnek, Bosnek and Nonek (A Trilogy) or his unmade sci-fi movie Spacewaster, all of them starring Klaus f***ing Kinski as a c***! 

Krautrock, my arse still sore from the last f***ing bloodlined shit I took, whose aesthetic merits are roughly 36 times that of the complete works of f***ing Cluster. (Yeah, just cluster right f***ing there so I can catch both your f***ing heads with one swing of the f***ing bat!) Jesus f***ing H. Tell you what, they’ve dropped a serious f***ing bollock with the f***ing title. It should have been called, Future Days: Music Made By Teutonic Tossrings In F***ing Flares For Shitwitted F***ing Clothheads!

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Aug 15, 2014 8:49am

this guy is boring as fuck

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TonyBadgers
Aug 15, 2014 8:56am

Nurse my sides etc

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TonyBadgers
Aug 15, 2014 8:57am

Should've probably been a comma after "nurse"

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graham taylor
Aug 15, 2014 9:02am

Nope. Not a good enough writer to pull it off. Next.

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Aug 15, 2014 9:39am

He wrote the book he's reviewing, I gather. Which is funny.

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Aug 15, 2014 9:59am

please stop this it's plain embarrassing.

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Moonee Ponds
Aug 15, 2014 10:58am

In reply to :

You mean "boring as f***", surely?

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Brainfat
Aug 15, 2014 11:02am

Böööööööööööööring as hell.

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yung carl jung
Aug 15, 2014 11:22am

you guys can legitimately be funny, why be so tryhard and juvenile?..

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Nessie
Aug 15, 2014 11:32am

David Stubbs is 52 years old.

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Adam
Aug 15, 2014 1:01pm

The Quietus' equivalent of clickbait.

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Stephan
Aug 15, 2014 1:32pm

Ich stimme dem zü.

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Stevec
Aug 15, 2014 1:46pm

Die Deutschen geniessen Blasmusik und sonst nichts.

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Stephan
Aug 15, 2014 2:20pm

In reply to Stevec:

Würstchen und bum bags

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Aug 15, 2014 4:17pm

Unreadable.

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Spacious
Aug 15, 2014 4:53pm

Great! Now do "Post-Rock." Y'know, that tuneless stuff with the pawn-shop guitar tone. It starts out like the band is really cooking, but suddenly mom shows up with sandwiches. Then there's a challenging deconstruction of amp buzz.

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geordie racer
Aug 15, 2014 8:03pm

Most inspiring book about music I've ever read

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dirigible
Aug 15, 2014 8:18pm

:-D

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Dazed and Bemused
Aug 15, 2014 9:14pm

I like both swearing and Kraftwerk and am broadly in favour of the writings of Mr Stubbs. This has been the case for some years.

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Taun Aengus
Aug 15, 2014 9:35pm

I'd like to give you a good hard ear-ringing slap up side your head. (I'm not a violent person, but I can only be pushed so far)

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GT
Aug 15, 2014 10:25pm

Top stuff. Mr Agreeable skewers a book full of contributions for pseuds corner. I hope Mr Stubbs is suitably cowed.

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Ricardo
Aug 16, 2014 1:34am

What a douche. Must be French. Hate it when Krauts win the Copa do Mundo but you gotta love how they rock all serious and whatnot. Go Blixa and EN.

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The Paregoric Kid
Aug 16, 2014 5:23am

Glad to see Quietus are hiring 13 year olds.

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Fielding Melish
Aug 16, 2014 2:25pm

Sad to see in these comments so many gormless twats who don't know the life's work of Mr. Agreeable. He was a f***king troll before the most of you had even learned to breast feed!

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Nizzy
Aug 16, 2014 4:39pm

B****r me sideways with a bogbrush, S*****y, you are post-modern as f**k, you c**t!

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amit
Aug 16, 2014 7:02pm

It was boring in the NME in the early 90's and its boring now probably worse now as all the censored effing and jeffing make it look like a piece of op art and unreadable. As someone else said all the writers on this site can be witty without resorting to this juvenile shite.

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Anon
Aug 17, 2014 1:33am

In reply to amit:

Melody Maker actually

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Dan
Aug 17, 2014 9:03am

Not funny in Melody Maker back in the day, not funny and embarrassing now in the age of internet trolling.

May I recommend the YouTube comments section for people who find this stuff amusing.

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Michael E
Aug 18, 2014 12:18pm

Now we're waiting for Mr. Doran comin round the corner explaning why such shit like this and Neil Young's lost moral compass must be part of this site.

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Phil
Aug 18, 2014 2:27pm

Always a pleasure, Mr Agreeable. More I say.

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jules
Aug 18, 2014 2:34pm

uuuggghhhhhhh.... boring f***ing twat

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John Doran
Aug 18, 2014 4:38pm

In reply to Michael E:

Because? Because suck my dick and fuck off and read someone else's site. I hope that answers your question.

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Michael E.
Aug 19, 2014 3:22am

In reply to John Doran:

Ah, Mr. Doran losing his temper. Here are too many good reviews to leave this site, my friend, so just keep cool and do a little exercise in self-criticism. Instead of asshole behaviour and unappropriate dog barking, take a deep breath and return to some Hatha yoga exercises! Thx, Michael

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Michael E.
Aug 19, 2014 6:56am

Short conversation between the quietus-editor John Doran and Michael Engelbrecht
von Michael Engelbrecht | source: manafonistas.de - the full version

“The world is full of idiots, / but this doesn’t make ‘em bad people” (Kevin Coyne, in “Teddybears and Millionaires”)

The bullshit:
“(…) Or, put another way, a f***ing doorstopper of a tome dedicated to one of the most woodwarpingly tedious f***ing genres of modern times, made by a bunch of f***ing strangers to the tune, the razor blade and the f***ing point, who if I’d f***ing had my way would have been rounded up, their heads pinned down on f***ing tabletops and forcibly f***ing shaved by specialist squads of f***ing sheep shearers flown in from f***ing Australia!” (Mr. Agreeable on David Stubbs’ book about the “krautrock history”, and this was only the beginning.) The other article on Neil Young “losing his moral compass” cause he had originally decided to play in Tel Aviv, deserves souvereign contempt, cause it makes no difference between the people and the terrible government politics. No deep thinking replaced by dull political correctness. Bad job, Johnny Boy!

Michael E
15 HOURS AGO
Now we’re waiting for Mr. Doran comin’ round the corner explaning why such shit like this and Neil Young’s so-called “lost moral compass” must be part of this site.

John Doran
11 HOURS AGO
In reply to Michael E:
Because? Because suck my dick and fuck off and read someone else’s site. I hope that answers your question.

Michael E.
A FEW SECONDS AGO
In reply to John Doran:
Ah, Mr. Doran losing his temper. Here are too many good reviews to leave this site, my friend, so just keep cool and do a little exercise in self-criticism. Instead of asshole behaviour and unappropriate dog barking, take a deep breath and return to some Hatha yoga basics! And, please, just have a regular look at your blood-pressure. You’re moving from zero to 100 a bit too quickly. And concerning your dick: don’t forget annual prostata check-up routines. Thx, Michael

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christina chicago
Dec 5, 2014 1:48am

I laughed my f***in' arse off reading this piece of shite. Thanks.

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christina chicago
Dec 5, 2014 2:10am

Not in a Jaguar, just in my little honda civic. Better yet, I saw him and the incomparable Steve Shelley on the Hallogallo tour. I am still dreaming of a live recording of that.

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