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Dancehall: Beth Lesser Interviewed
John Doran , February 12th, 2009 04:01

One of our favourite albums of last year was the Soul Jazz Dancehall compilation, so we decided it was time to talk to author Beth Lesser who penned the excellent book that accompanies it. John Doran gamely exposes his ignorance.

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Dancehall star Tiger composes at home. (Photograph copyright Beth Lesser. Courtesy of Soul Jazz Records Publishing.)

It's easy in retrospect to be critical about the kind of reggae that finally got taken seriously by the UK rock press in the late 70s. Reggae had been popular in the UK since the 60s with pop crowds and young working class city dwellers of black and white but it was 'serious' sufferation of artists like Bob Marley, Peter Tosh, Steel Pulse that was made more palatable to the ears of Eric Clapton and Procul Harem fans by a syrupy Island Records patented de-Jamaicafication process. As always the beard scratchers and self-proclaimed intelligent music fans were the last to get to the party.

It's also easy to sense the patronising attitude to black artists, that didn't want to acknowledge any of the ribald fun of reggae culture and it's entirely possible that this helped popularize the altogether less heavy (sonically and lyrically) dancehall music, which had its imperial phase during the late 70s and 80s. The genre was a loose one at first literally meaning music that was designed to be played in dancehalls with upbeat tempos and walking basslines that were ideal for dancing rather than ganja infused introspection.

As is often the case the real sonic leap forward happened almost accidentally with the growing use of cheap store bought synthesizers and drum machines to replace expensive session musicians in the 80s. The basic set up only allowed for a simpler, harsher riddim (best experienced through the medium of chest collapsing bass bins), probably first exemplified by 'Sensi Addict' by Prince Horace Ferguson, but it really only came to prominence with Wayne Smith's still fresh sounding '(Under Me) Sleng Teng'; a jolly tale of hiding one's ganja under one's voluminous rasta hat when representatives of the local constabulary make an unexpected house call. The harsh rock & roll aping digital backline proved such a hit, it changed the face of Jamaican music for good.

Of course, things haven't changed that much and it is uncomfortable to note that music from the West Indies still needs to go through some kind of quarrantine period before becoming acceptable by a mainstream audience over here. At the same time however, there is nothing wrong with revisiting old genres and while waiting for the reggaeton revival in 2025, you can get maximum enjoyment re-immersing (or simply immersing) yourself in dancehall.

Two of our favourite things last year were Soul Jazz's Dancehall compilation and the accompanying book; here we talk to Beth Lesser the author who regularly reported on the scene for Reggae Quarterly but who now lives in Canada. (At the end of the interview is a gallery of her excellent photographs taken from the book.)

In general terms is dancehall just another term for Jamaican pop music that was most prevalent in the late 70s and early 80s right through to the 00s, in the same way that ska, rocksteady and reggae were other terms of this nature?

"No, not exactly. Ska and rocksteady were followed by rockers and all three terms refer to the beat. At first, dancehall just meant the kind of music played in dance hall sessions- which includes all Jamaican pop music. All of it was played in dances. That was how it was consumed. However, now people are using the term dancehall to refer to the digital music that emerged after 1985.

This said, are there any defining sonic or lyrical qualities that mark out dancehall as far as you're concerned?

"Jamaican music was being called dancehall throughout the 80s, before the common use of drum machines etc. To People who heard the loosely used term, it meant a higher portion of dancehall style deejays (meaning they perform spontaneously rather than sticking to written lyrics) and sing jay style singers - or anyone who performed regularly in the dance or whose music was played in the dance. The sing jay singing style was marked by chanted parts of the song or a more restricted melodic range that emphasized the rhythm – closer to what a deejay does. The deejays left their lyrics open to respond to what was going on in the session – who was there, which ‘posses’, how they were dancing etc – and what was going in the neighborhood, in the country. Yes, the use of slackness and violence do set dancehall apart from the more polished soul styles but DH can contain an infinity of other types of content as well, from romance to reality and, of course, roots."

I suppose in the UK the popular consciousness of dancehall lyricism is that of the 'slack' lyric, be it casual or violent homophobia, graphic sexuality or gun play. Is this the full picture though? What are the lyrical concerns of dancehall and how do they compare to the lyrical concerns of roots reggae, for example? Was Jamaican culture going through wider changes as exemplified by the regime change from Michael Manley's PNP government to Edward Seaga's right wing administration?

"With Seaga in power, after a landside in the 1980 elections, the political violence subsided and the economy improved so people were able to get on with their lives. They could move more freely, and previously scarce goods began to be available again. Seaga, who was backed by the then current US administration of Ronald Reagan, was able to get the support that had been withheld from Michael Manley, a man considered by the US to be a danger to North American because of his socialist ties.

"With the economic upturn, the lyrics began to move away from the heavy political; and spiritual themes to lyrics that where humorous, topical or just plain fun."

The Jamaican recording industry is notoriously anarchic - was it difficult to track down and interview certain people for the book?

"Not really. A lot of the people I interviewed, I already knew well from my years of traveling there to do the Reggae Quarterly magazine. And my husband did a radio show, so he had a lot of the people there as guests when they came to town. It was also a bit easier than before actually with the internet and cell phones. That said, there are still some people I’m looking for, mainly people who lived here in Toronto and I would love to see again.

But as to the first part of the question, yes the business is completely unpredictable so you just ‘go with the flow’ and take whatever comes your way. You never know who is going to give you a good interview in advance anyway, so you just have to go into it with an open mind."

The book comes with amazing photographs - where did they come from? Do you see dancehall as being similar to other working class youth cults that fetishized dressing up at weekend dances, such as the mods in the UK and jazz fans in the US?

"I took all the photos, in various parts of Kingston.

No it’s not like that culture. It seems to me (I grew up in NY where things are different so may be I don’t know what I’m talking about) that those youths feel they have dull lives and boring jobs and they go out and try to be someone special on Friday and Saturday. Jamaica doesn’t have a Working class youth culture.

The youth in the ghetto are unemployed and dress to imitate the gangs- they lead the way for fashion- like the Spanglers. If you can afford these clothes and you live in the ghetto, you must be doing something that people ought to (or better be) respecting you for. People with a low ranking, or just ordinary youth, didn’t dress up in the styles of the big gangs. They dressed nicely, clean cut, but not showy."

In Jamaica stars like Eek-A-Mouse and Yellowman easily rivaled the popularity of Bob Marley, is it easy to explain why they made less of an impact in the US or UK?

"Because white people were buying reggae abroad. And they couldn’t get their heads around the fundamental contradictions of someone like Yellowman who could chat slackness and Rastafarian lyrics on the same LP. And they couldn't understand the words. A lot of people from outside Jamaica just saw slackness as juvenile. The type of people who listened to reggae tended to be white, upper class, open-minded, liberal and they saw slackness as misogynist and adolescent. It had no message (as opposed to the music of Bob Marley). It gave you nothing to ‘think about’, nothing to strive for. Dancehall in the early 80s was still very ethnically Jamaican. It hadn't become cross over music yet."

Dancehall threw up many female stars such as Sister Nancy and Lady Saw, was this the sign of a shift in attitudes or was the JA music industry still as much of a male preserve as it always had been?

"I think ( hope) it is changing. Women really got a beating in the 80s with all the anti-female lyrics calling women "pancoots" and "tegeregs". Women were ‘allowed’ to be singers – that was OK but when they started to become DJs, they got a lot of resistance with people saying they were no good. That started to change in the 80s – but, you still saw no women in other areas like sound owners or selectors. I hear that’s better now but I don’t follow the music like before."

Digital dancehall, conversely, is very easy to define as a 'new sound'. The new sonic textures achieved by using cheap store bought synthesizers and drum machines became wildly popular with the public. How important is the aspect of sonic novelty in Jamaican pop music?

"Not as important as it has been in North American pop music (where the Millie Small 'My Boy Lollipop' was a hit). Although, I do think that it contributed to the success of 'Sleng Teng'. I think Jamaicans respond to sound differently and reggae had a different relationship with sound than American pop music which was originally engineered to sound good on a transistor radio. Reggae was always engineered top sound good outside at high volume (at a dance)."

Was there an extent to which dancehall was less politicized because it had actually become dangerous to be publicly politically affiliated?

"It was dangerous to be politically affiliated but that didn’t affect the music much. The music was never had an outright political support of one party or another (with some exceptions like the bandwagon for Manley in the early 70s). in the 70s music was ‘political’ meaning it addressed economic inequalities, class and race issues. It became less political because the economy got better and the issues weren’t as pressing and because a new generation didn’t have the same interests as the previous one. It also became less political because drug gangs were replacing political gangs in the power structure."

Did Channel One play the same role that Studio One and Treasure Isle had played to the previous generation? Did the Roots Radics fulfill a similar role to that of the Brentford All Stars/Jackie Mittoo?

"No, because Studio One was originating rhythms were as Channel One was recycling them. The Roots Radics were further recycling the rhythms that Channel One had recycled from Studio One. Jackie MIttoo was important as an arranger. The Radics were a band with Flabba often being the arranger or Dwight PInkeney."

There seems to be an inherent contradictory nature at work with dancehall stars. They are part of a very strict culture that values uniformity yet those who were most individual seem to have benefitted the most such as Yellowman due to his albinism or Lone Ranger due to his status as a foreigner. To what extent do you agree?

"Yellowman actually made it because of his talent. There were several other “dundoos”
artists who never made it. Same with Lone Ranger. He changed the style a bit because of his foreign influences but, other than that, he fit right in. Yellowman got a lot of attention for being different – in appearance- in every other way, his values and his behaviors were quintessentially Jamaican."

Can you explain what specials are and what purpose they served in dancehall?

"Specials started out as dubplates in which the name of the sound system playing the dubplate was called. It was a boast, or a challenge to another sound in a clash, or competition. Originally, these were just test pressings which the producers would give the sounds in order to gauge the potential of a new track before it was released to the public."

Just how important was the 'Sleng Teng' riddim? Wayne Smith's cut wasn't actually the first digital dancehall track though was it?

"No, but it was the first hit. It had the prestige and power of Jammy’s sound system behind it and his contacts at home and overseas. He got good distribution and publicity. He is a very good businessman. People had been experimenting with drum machines since the 70s, most prominently, The Wailers' bassist, Aston 'Family Man' Barrett and their producer, Lee Perry."

When people talk about dancehall now in reference to artists like Elephant Man and Sean Paul, sonically, what are the major differences from the dancehall of the 70s/80s?

"The beat is different The newer artist are heavily influenced by rap, hip hop and MTV. They have a more aggressive style but also a more uptown style – meaning the production values are often more sophisticated and complex with the use of professional digital programs. A lot of the ‘roots’ artists these days have a slick sound that would have been considered too ‘soft’, too ‘lover’s rock’ for the ragamuffin crowd in the 80s. (In my opinion.)"

If you were packing a box to DJ, which ten 7"s would you make sure were in there?

Wayne Smith – 'Under Me Sleng Teng'
Lone Ranger – 'M 16'
Tristan Palma – 'Entertainment'
Barrington Levy - 'Under Mi Sensi'
Barrington Levy - 'Here I Come'
Mighty Diamonds – 'Pass the Kutchie'
Tenorsaw – 'Ring The Alarm'
Cocoa Tea – 'Sonia'
Supercat – 'Boops'
Denis Brown – 'Revolution'

To read our review of the Dancehall album click here.

Dancehall_tiger_1234291994_resize_460x400



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Jan Marie
Feb 13, 2015 11:08pm

.….”Captain Kutchie” Never Makes Up Stories But If He Did

It Would Probably Be About As Good As The One That You Are About To

Read Next!…..You Believe That?….

….Add “Captain Kutchie Pelaez” To Make This The All-Time Greatest Film Ever Made!….

…Could..“Clint” Eastwood. Possibly Be Competing With “Captain Kutchie
Pelaez” For The Position Of “The World’s Most Interesting
Man”…Perhaps?…But Then Again Perhaps He Is Just Waiting For “Kutchie
Pelaez and Frankie Valli” To “Make His Day”!…Ha, Go Figure!….

….We Heard A Few Years Back That

Megyn Kelly Of Fox News, Really Loved Her Some Of Captain Kutchie’s And
Anita Pelaez’s Famous Key Lime Pies! Could That Make Megyn “The Most
Interesting Lady In The World?….I Guess “NO” On That One, That One Would
Have To Be “The Lovely –Mrs. Anita Pelaez” The Queen Of The Key Lime
Pie World!

….I sure hope that this will be a great opportunity for

everyone to see some of “Don Rickle’s Scenes” from his productions of

his classic hits “The Tales From Kutcharitaville”. You Do know that Don

Rickles and Johnny Carson together produced those comedy hits about

their friend “Mr. Kutchie Pelaez” and their wild and crazy exploits of

Kutchie’s Key West and The World of Key Lime Pies from the perspective
of (Johnny Carson, Don Rickles, Kutchie Pelaez and Steve Martins Eyes!)
What a Hoot Those Classic Hits Surely Were. Don’t miss them, be sure to
tune-in next month. We Laughed Until We Cried Watching Those Funny
Movies. “The Tales From Kutcharitaville”, I Think That They May Still Be
Available In A Boxed Set. Maybe Try Amazon. Good Luck With That….

You Know, It’s No Wonder That Everyone Calls “Captain Kutchie
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Kutchie Drinks Those Wonderful Mixed Drinks Named In His Honor Called
“Kutcharitas”.?.

There A Hell Of A Lot Better Than Any Mexican Beers. And Much Stronger
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….That Sunken Ship In The News These Days,

….It’s Been Resting Down On The Bottom Of The Sea Since Way Back In
1857, “Mel Fisher” Even Overlooked That One!… “Yankee Jack Pittorino”
and “Micheal McCloud” Now Have Reason To Write Another
Song…(Hint-Hint-Hint) “Jack” Listen-Up Here!

….Hell, We Can’t Find A Boeing 777 That’s Been Lost Only A

Little Over A Few Months Now! Could It Be Because The Jet Had No Silver and Gold Aboard, Just People?….Go Figure……

….Good Thing That All The ….(“Anita And Kutchie Pelaez’s Key West Key
Lime Pie Shops”)..Are All Showing Increasing Pie Sales Throughout All
They’re Areas Of Distribution. Consumers Just Never Seem To Reach
They’re Fill Of Those “Yummy Key Lime Pies” That The “Peleaz’s Working
Partner Team” Continues To Produce. They Have Been Called “Love At First
Bite”.

.Everyone Agrees, That The Loving Couple Have Been Baking They’re

Culinary Delectables Over 40-Years Now!….

Isn’t She Wonderful?….”AAAHHHH”, The Magic Of The Gorgeous “Mrs. Anita
Pelaez” Well She Is Something Else!…Honey, She’s The Real Thing Baby!….

….Who The Hell Does That “Kutchie Pelaez” Think That He Is?….”Frankie Valli” Or Some Big-Shot Like That?

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Shoo Bomp And The Rama In The Rama Lama Ding Dong!.

….He Even Knows Who Put The Dip In The Dip Da Dip Da Dip!…How Cool Is That?….

….”Frankie Valli and Kutchie Pelaez”..Did Make-It As Big As “Frank Sanatra”.

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That “Captain Kutchie Pelaez” Was The One Who First Came-Up With The
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Buddy. “Levi Stubbs”. Of The “Four Tops” Helped Him Name Them Way Back
In The Early 70?s.

….Eli Wallach, Be Careful, Don’t Eat The “Cannoli’s”!…They’re Killer Man!….

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Frankie Valli, Terry Levi, Joe Pesci, Bob Gaudio, Bob Crewe, Paul
Shaffer, Bob De Niro, Tommy DeVito, Martin Scorsese, Clint East Wood,
Bob Newhart And Yankee Jack Pittorino”! Rub Elbows And Shoot The Shit
With That Whole Crew Of “Good Fellows” Or “Wise Guys” Or Whatever The
Hell You Want To Call Them!….”Who Wouldn’t”?….

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Take My Eyes Off Of You” To His Lovely Bride “Anita” Way Back In The
Seventies! ….Sounds Like A Love Story To Us!

….A Very Good Yarn! “You” “You’re Good You”….

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King Of The Hill! Everyone Knows That! Never Count The Captain Out No
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World”!….Why Else Would Everyone Be Talking About Him And His
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To Say The Least!….

….His Drop Dead Gorgeous Wife “Anita”

And They’re Famous Key Lime Pies!….They’re World Famous Historic Key
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NC Near The Famous “Biltmore House And Estate!….

….Yeah, You’re Good You. No You’re “DAMN GOOD YOU”….

….Also Add “The Two Yutes”….”What’s A Yute”? You Might Ask. Just Ask “Yankee Jack”…..

…Marriage

Lasts Forever and Ever, Two People Become One! A Covenant Between A
Husband, His Wife And The Lord “Jesus” The Christ! Marriage, The Same
Yesterday Today Tomorrow And Forever More! True Love Never Changes! Just
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Together Can Never Be Broken!…

.....That “Captain Kutchie” Really Knows His Stuff. He’s Mind Blowing To Say The Least!…

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….Who Dat, Dat Say “Who Dat” Every Time Dat I Say Who Dat, “Who Dat”?….

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….Yeah, With They’re Olive Oil Voice And Guinea Charm, The Damn Dago Wop
Grease-Ball Goombahs Are Out To Steal Everyone’s Grease! The
Scumbags!….That’s Probably What Captain Kutchie Might Say!…

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Good!….

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….”Captain Kutchie” Of Key Lime Pie Fame Always Told Me “Keep You’re Friends Close But Keep You’re Enemies Closer”.

….123-testing-123…,.ok,

that’s a go!….ok….go…….please go away now!……go to your room now!….well

if you don’t go now, i will!….bye-bye….i am gone now, you can stop

reading, cause i am gone……i am really gone now!

….i can’t believe that you are still reading this! you believe that?

….i can’t believe that we ate that whole key lime pie!…

….Since
“Rooms To Go” did good, maybe the “Pelaez’s” should change their name to
“Key Lime Pies To Go”, Yeah-What Do You-All Think? Is That A

Go?……go to your room now!….BYE!….

….With “Captain Kutchie” It Is Known As “The Battle Of The Bulge”!….,

….Ain’t It A Kick In The Head?…..Damn Straight It Is!….
….I Saw Captain Kutchie’s Dick Before…”OMG!!!”……Oh My, It’s A Nice One Too!…I Can't Wait To Get It Back In My Mouth, YUM!...

....Oh And Kutchie's Great Cheese Burgers In Paradise, The World's First Ones And Still The Best!....

Reply to this Admin

Kerry Hollywood
Jan 30, 2016 12:17am

I've followed reggae music since 1985 and enjoy your take on matters that matter hanx

Reply to this Admin

Roger Ramjet
Apr 20, 2016 11:12pm

I Tried The Captain Kutchie’s Key Lime Pies And Those PieGasams Healed All My
Symptoms Within The First 4-Weeks! I highly Recommend Captain Kutchie’s
Key Lime Pies For Anything That Ails You!….(“They’re Great”!!!.)..

..

…Kobe Bryant May Be Retiring From Basket Ball But Captain Kutchie’s Is Still His Pie Of Choice!…
…Can’t Get Enough Of That Key Lime Pie, Key Lime Pie, Key Lime Pie. Can’t Get Enough Of That Key Lime Pie Or I’ll Just Cry Until I Die, I Don’t Know Why I Just Love My Key Lime Pies!….

.

…This Key Lime Pie Is For Our Old Friend, “The Late Great MEADOWLARK LEMON”!…RIP OLD BUDDY!…Keep Spinning Those Pies Dude!…
..
..
..This Key Lime Pie Goes Out-Too Our Other Buddy “GLENN FREY”!….Rock and Roll Heaven Just Keeps Feeling Up!….So Glenn,….Take It Easy Buddy. Or As You Always Said, You’ll Take It Anyway You Can Get It!…
..
..And We Hate To Sound Like A Broken Record But Here Is A Key Lime Pie For Our Buddy “Maurice White”, Founder Of The Great Group “Earth, Wind and Fire”!..Rest In Peace Dude.
.
…This Key Lime Pie Award Goes To A Very Great American As Well As The Judge That First Declared Anita and Kutchie Pelaez’s “The Official Key Lime Pies of America”!..”The Great Antonin Scalia U.S. Supreme Court Justice…. RIP, Judge!…

..

..

…that “Captain Kutchie Pelaez” of “Kutcharitaville” over
in Asheville, NC sure enough is “One Wild and Crazy Guy!” All the women
are so wild about him and his Famous Cheese Burgers and Key Lime Pies,

Hellaciously Fantastic Tender and Delicious Prime Ribs and Prime Steaks.

Drop Off the Bone Bar-B-Q Ribs, Pulled Pork and Beef Brisket

.

His Drop Dead Gorgeous Wife “Miss Anita” together in they’re Historic Key

Lime Pie Factory and Grill, where the Smiles and Ovens are always Warm

and Friendly, Inviting You to Spend A Little Time Resting and Enjoying

Your Time in They’re Little “Key West Island” near the Biltmore Estate

Close By…Kutcharitaville Cafe’ Where It’s Always 5-O-Clock!…

.

….Kind of Funny You Know, The World’s Greatest Key Lime Pies Aren’t

Even Baked In The Keys But At Kutcharitaville By Captain Kutchie

Pelaez and His Lovely Wife Miss Anita In The Carolina Mountains!….Go

Figure!!!!!!!….

.

…”Kutch”, Is The “CAPTAIN” That Put The “SOUL” In SOUL FOOD!…Who Would Have Thought That?…
..
..Miss Anita And ’Chef ‘Captain Kutchie Pelaez’s Key West-Kutcharitaville Key Lime Pie Factory And Cafe’, “Where Eating Is A Pleasure And Cooking Is An Art”….. Hell, “Chef Kutchie Pelaez” Has More Talent In His Toe-Nail Clippings Than All The Others Have In Their Entire Bodies!..
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You’ll Soon Learn Why People Call “Captain Kutchie

Pelaez “The Most Interesting Man In The World!”…But don’t take our word

for it, follow the Long Lines to “Miss Anita and Captain Kutchie Pelaez’s Key

West-Kutcharitaville Key Lime Pie Factory and Grill’. “The Place To Be”

since 1976!..

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Don’t be fooled into thinking that Jimmy Buffett

designed or had anything to do with this place. Just Ask Miss Sunshine Smith! That would be an insult To The “Captain”!… Kutchie’s was here long before anyone ever heard of JB……Sheesh!..

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Donald Trump loves KUTCHARITAVILLE so much that he often has take-out

flown to him in NEW YORK CITY! WOW! He must really love those Original

Cheese Burgers in Paradise, we sure do, they have our Vote for Sure.

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My best friend said she heard last week that Donald Trump and Stephen

Colbert together are planing on a Welcome to the USA Party for “Pope Francis”

to be held soon over in Asheville, NC at “Kutcharitaville”.

Some party that will be for sure!.

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Think, I’ll just get all the girls together and we can all Nude-Up and

go too “Captain Kutchie’s” and Get Drunk and Screw! Let’s Go Y’all!

Captain Kutchie’s Key Lime Pies Are World Famous For Giving Everyone

That Eats Them They’re Very First “PIEGASAM”….That’s Probably why one

must be over 18 years of age to purchase one or have an adult present.

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…Oh and all that Great Fall Off The Bone Bar-B-Q Slow Smoking Beef Briskets, Pork Ribs, Shoulders and Pork Butts…“Carly
Fiorino” say’s that she Can Smell They’re Butts Miles Away!….Or Maybe She Was Just Smelling “Hillary”!…..OMG?…..Recent Thoughts, Maybe She Is Just Smelling Her Upper Lip!…
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…The Late Great “Captain Tony Tarracino” of Key West Fame was an Old
Friend of “Captain Kutchie Pelaez”. Together the two of them Sailed Many
Adventures Not Known To Much Of The World! Nighttime Runs Too Cuba And Back. Cheese Burgers, Rum, Scotch,
Cigarettes, Cigars, Treasure Maps, Pizzas, Chocolate Bars and Key Lime
Pies Helped The Two Make History. If You Can Believe It Even “Mel
Fisher” Was Known To Hang With Them!….

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Captain Kutchie The Key Lime Pie Whisperer!…Don’t Cha-Know!..

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Thank “GOD” That Noah Had Two of Kutchie’s Key Lime Pies On That Ark!….

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And Don’t Forget “Ernest Hemingway’s” (Original Thinking Post) ! There
Was Only One And “Captain Kutchie” Has It. Don’t Miss It.

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..Hillary Sucks!…………………….Bill Does Too!…….I Feel His Pain, Don’t You?…And “Jebio”, Yeah, “Little Marco” Really Sucks Too! Just Ask “Chris Christie”…

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..And Why Is “Little Marco” So Interested In What “Donald Trump” Has Between His Legs Anyway? “Yeah,” What’s Up With That?…..And “Ted Cruz,” Dude, What Have You Got To Lose But A Hawk Nose, Maybe A Women With Some Booze And The Cigarette Blues, Whatever You Chose, You Still Lose!…You And Little Marco Make “Trump” Feel Like A “Cuban Sandwich”. Feel The Bern?…

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..Captain Kutchie Pelaez For President And Miss Anita Pelaez For First Lady!!!

They Will Put A Key Lime Pie and A Gallon Of Fresh Kutcharita’s in Every Refrigerator!….

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..Oh, I Forgot One,….That Chuck Todd Sucks Too!….That Sleazy Eyed Gutter Snipper!….Sheesh Give Me A Break!…Where Did They Find That Moron?..Such A Smuck!..

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…”Captain
Kutchie Pelaez”,….Who Loves You Pretty Baby!,…Who, Who,
Who!……Everybody Does!…We Loved Your Movies Too, Please Make Some
More. All Your Fan Base Loves You “Captain Kutch”!….

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…And Like You Said Captain Kutch…..No More Clinton’s, …No More Obama’s, and… No More Bush’s/ (Vito Corleone)! , Or “Jebio Rubio Marco”. No More First-Term “Wet.Back” Senators!…

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..And Now, They’re All Trying to Paint “Donald Trump” As Being So Bad That He Is “Ronald Reagan” INCARNATE. One Would Think That This Was The 80’s Again! And Listening To “Mitt Romney” Whining You Would Think That He Was Some Kind Of “Mormon Moron!”…What A Sore Loser……….Just Look At The Numbers On Both Sides “People”!…(It Has To Be Because Of “Donald Trump” If You Ask Me.)..even if you don’t ask me And You Didn’t…..just look….

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..Talk About Snake’s In The Grass, We Sure Do Have Enough Of Them For A Lifetime!…
Now That’s What I’m Talking About!…

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…Praise The Lord And God Bless The USA!…….So Don’t Worry Mon, Bee Happy!….

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…SNL
Just Hasn’t Been Very Funny Since Captain Kutchie Got Mad That Night,
Got His Key Lime Pies Packed Back-Up And Stomped-Out With Them Under His
Arms!…Yeah, What Was All That About?…Wonder What Lorne Michaels and Larry David Thought About Them Apples!…

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..We Remember Reading Several Years Back, That “Megyn Kelly” Of FOX NEWS, Really Loved Eating Herself Plenty Of “Chef, Captain Kutchie Pelaez’s” World Famous Key Lime Pies!…..You Don’t Think That “Megyn Kelly” Has Been Eating Too Many Of Those Pies Do You? ..Because With “Donald Trump”, She Has Lately Been Acting More Like “DAN RATHER” Than “Megyn”. That’s Our Report, You Decide.

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…”Robin Meade” Loves Her Some Of “Miss Anita And Captain Kutchie’s” World Famous Key Lime Pies Too! You, Know She Has Good Tastes, She Probably Tastes Good Herself!…”YUM”!….
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..It’s, No Secret, The “Pelaez’s” Are The Most Compelling Pies To Cross Anyone’s Palate In The History Of Our Great Nation!….
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..”Miss Anita And Chef, Captain Kutchie Pelaez’s” World Famous Key Lime Pies, At Your Service Whenever The Mood Strikes You!…..
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..No, It’s Not STAR WARS, But Let The Pies Be With You!…
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..We Heard That “Hulk Hogan” Said That He Was Talking About Hiring “Captain Kutchie” To Build Him A Key Lime Pie Factory In His Home Town Of Belleair Estates, In Clearwater Beach, Florida…..
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…Hillary, Doesn’t Think That She Has Ever Lied And Doesn’t Think That She Ever Will! .. Are You Still Interested In Buying That Property For Sale Down In The Everglades?…

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..We’re Not All On The Same Boat But We’re All On The Same Wave-Length!…

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…Can’t You Just See, “Brother Merle Haggard” Sitting There Drinking FREE BUBBLE-UP And Eating “Chef Captain Kutchie’s” Famous Key Lime Pie And Merle’s Favorite Fork Tender Smoked Beef Brisket There At “Kutcharitaville”. Keep Spinning Those Hits “Merle”!….

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…And “Nancy”, Here Is A Key Lime Pie For You And “Ronnie”! You Go Girl…

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..And With An Extra “HEAVY-HEAVY HEART”, “Captain Kutchie Pelaez’s”, EXTRA GOOD FRIEND And OLD PARTNER IN CRIME….The Legendary….”YANKEE JACK”,..Of Key West and Boston, Mass. Has Passed Away, Much Too Soon..Rest In Peace Pisan…….Enjoy Your Key Lime Pies Buddy…
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…We Remember “Yankee Jack”, “Captain Tony”, “Jimmy Buffett”, “Mel Fisher”, “Captain Terry Levi”, “Captain Kutchie Pelaez” And Many Other Famous Characters Down In Key West In The Good Old Days. What A Blast Those Days Really Were!….
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..Do You Ever Wonder?..Who Writes All This Crap?..Well, We Sure Do. They Deserve Getting Awards For Such Literary Skills, We Hope They’re Getting Paid Well. This Stuff Is As Good As “Hemingway” Or “MAD MAGAZINE”!

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..It, Don’t Mean Nothing, It’s Just A Fun Read…...,Yeah Right!....
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..And That's All I Need!....Well, Maybe This Key Lime Pie Too. Yeah, Just This Fun Read And This Key Lime Pie And That's All I Need! Yeah, That's All I Need!......Well, Maybe This Gallon Of Fresh Kutcharita's Too! Yeah, Just This Fun Read, And This Key Lime Pie, And This Gallon Of Fresh Kutcharita's! And That's All I Need! Yeah, Just These Three Things. Let's See, This Fun Read, This Key Lime Pie And This Gallon Of fresh Kutcharita's! And That's All I Need!.........Well Maybe......

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..Oh I'm Picking Out A Thermos For You, Not An Ordinary Thermos For You But The Extra Best Thermos You Can Buy With Vinyls And Stripes And A Cup Built Right In.........I'm Picking Out A Thermos For You And Maybe A Barometer Too.........And What Else Can I Buy.....So On Me You'll Rely......A Rear End Thermeter Too
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..You Know, It's No Wonder They Say That "Captain Kutchie Pelaez And Howard Livingston" Both Are Living On "Key West Time" And Blaming It On The Kutcharita's!

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..Hell, If You Didn't Know Better, You'd Probably Guess That This Is Just Another Chapter From That Famous Island Book Named "The Tales From KUTCHARITAVILLE"!....

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...updated story!..............and that's all i need!...........

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