In the recent election campaign Keir Starmer kept his cards to his chest in order to lure swing voters to his party and infuriate Owen Jones for the LOLs. It worked a charm and now it looks as though Starmerism is going to be more radical than the candidate for Holborn and St Pancras ever disclosed during the whole time his opponent, an entitled hedge funder, shouted “HIGHER TAXES” in his face and lamented a troubled upbringing when, like the protagonists in several Ken Loach films, he had to wait an unreasonably long time for terrestrial television to air new episodes of The Simpsons.
Starmer remains a Marxist based on the fact that he used to be Marxist, argues The Mail On Sunday’s Peter Hitchens, who also used to be a Marxist and therefore must suspect he is still one too and has just reported his doubts about himself to the MI5. Even if the confused contrarian is overegging Starmer’s sympathies, it turns out the country could expect reforms that go beyond tackling the climate emergency with extra bobbies on the beat and some hard wishful thinking.
Indeed, Columnfortably Numb’s team of intrepid reporters has gained access to a private document, said to be secretly photographed from the personal desk of Angela Rayner, and the prospective policies drafted thereon surpass those mentioned in The Labour Party’s manifesto. You may be pleasantly surprised by some of the things we can hope to expect:
For a service that’s run in the interests of the British public rather than insidious shareholders, we call for the immediate nationalisation of The Last Dinner Party.
Nigel Farage to be sectioned in Room 101 until he learns to love Love.
Private schools to be abolished, their equipment redistributed to the state system and the buildings used as community centres, rehearsal rooms, homeless shelters and three-day festivals curated by GNOD.
Ex-PM Boris Johnson to be deported to Rwanda. Ex-PM Theresa May to be deported to the Caribbean. Ex-PM Rishi Sunak to be deported to a small boat in the ocean. Ex-PM Liz Truss to be deported to LIDL’s lettuce shelf.
The reintroduction of mediaeval stocks for the public humiliation of those who talk all the way through a gig.
John Hegley for Poet Laureate.
Paid national service for young people but, rather than military duties, it’s all performed in bookshops and libraries.
Higher taxes for band members who vape onstage.
The honours system to be abolished and replaced by the Memorial Device List Of Alternative National Treasures.
As a requirement for holding public office, potential candidates must first pass an exam to demonstrate that they have definitely listened to the album Marquee Moon by Television.
You can bet your bottom five-pence-piece that Angela’s heard it.
Shit And ShineRum And CokeRiot Season
It would be an understatement to say that Rum And Coke sits at the uglier end of the Shit And Shine spectrum. If Emil from RoboCop – spoiler alert! – had avoided being clattered by that car after driving his own vehicle into a vat of toxic waste and instead he’d hit the recording studio while slowly and painfully melting, it might have sounded almost as disgusting as this. While we’ve grown used to Craig Clouse making most Shit And Shine records on his own, this one features guest vocals from Callum Howe of Leeds-based misanthropes The Shits and its drums are credited to “He Who Will Remain A Mystery”. On the first song Howe barks about alcohol with the demeanour of the scariest customer to ever set foot in an off licence. He sounds equally rabid a few songs later when the topic has changed to ‘Sparkling Water’. Most of the time, Clouse’s guitar tracks aim to out-distort those of Butthole Surfers at their deepest and nastiest. One of the more accessible compositions is ‘One Drag’ and that’s like listening to someone burp their rotten garlic breath over a looped Melvins intro in a rat-infested railway tunnel. At the more humorous end, ‘Stolen’ is based around a news report on some lost sheep. It still has riffs that are thicker than Satan’s bum treacle. This music is the exact opposite of easy listening and it is totally engrossing. With a significant emphasis on the “gross”.
Fu ManchuThe Return Of TomorrowAt The Dojo
The Return Of Tomorrow is billed as Fu Manchu’s first double-album. Don’t expect the pitfalls which can blight that extended format, however. There is no overarching Roger Waters narrative of self-pity here and the stoner kings do not attempt their equivalent of ‘Revolution 9’. With 13 songs totalling less than 50 minutes, it’s actually over as soon as some single albums. So why four sides of wax? Well, the two LPs run at 45RPM which has enabled the thickest and weightiest sound the ‘Chu could get out of your turntable. Furthermore, the band has divided the material into straighter up rockers on the opening disc and what they’ve deemed to be the mellower songs on the second. That’s an academic matter, really, as it turns out that Fu Manchu’s soft side is harder than most band’s attempts to rock your frilly stockings off. There’s a breakdown in ‘What I Need’ that’s like an instrumental rendition of ‘Behind Blue Eyes’ but that’s as delicate as it gets. Most of the time, it’s Orange-amped riffs galore and choruses that revel unpretentiously in repeating the words in the song title. Altogether now: “LOCH NESS WRECKING MACHINE! MACHINE!” It’s almost pointless to compare one Fu Manchu album against any of their others, given the desert rocking sound the band has long perfected varies little from one release to the next. That being said, within an already exemplary discography this could well be their masterpiece. Or another one, at least.
Causa SuiFrom The SourceEl Paraiso
It has become apparent that Denmark’s Causa Sui could be a full-pelt prog band by now, if they’d wanted to be, as they have such commendable musical chops. They also have the good sense and the taste to keep things gnarly and avoid overcomplicating matters for complexity’s sake. The instrumental desert rock basis of their sound has become increasingly informed by more exotic influences, as well as the different styles that the members have tested and honed in their side- and solo-projects. There are plenty of jazzy moments to be found on their recent recordings and their love of Zamrock is also coming to the fore. The final track on From The Source is 24 minutes long and described as a “suite in seven parts”. It is also called ‘Visions Of A New Horizon’. Admittedly, that does all sound pretty damn prog. Give it a listen, though, because the way it evolves feels natural rather than forced and not at all self-indulgent. In the LP’s concluding movement, Causa Sui firmly remind their listeners that the band have never stopped loving Black Sabbath, as should forever be the case.
he didntNothingness ManifestedDrone Alone
Let’s overlook the many issues with this artist’s name. (Letters all lower case; missing apostrophe in the second word; temptation to shout “Oh yes he did!” like a sassy, finger-wagging character from an American television programme.) Released on the aptly named Drone Alone Records, Nothingness Manifested contains four slabs of glacial guitar meditations in the general vein of Earth 2, Phase 3: Thrones And Dominions, Sunn O))) and other snail-speed strumwork. In terms of it standing out from the robe-clad crowd, there’s a nice section at the end of ‘Nothingness Manifested II’ where the music shifts so it sounds like it’s going backwards. The next piece (or three), ‘Nothingness Manifested III-V’, has more of an ambient electronica vibe, like entering the chill-out room and discovering it’s in a dark cave or the middle of a glacier. This release has been described elsewhere as “haunting” and “gothic”. There ought to be plenty of listeners who actually find it quite warm and comforting. But as the old saying goes, each to their…. drone.
Bitter WishCandle FingerCarbon
Reasons to love Bitter Wish before you’ve even heard a note: 1) They are from Philadelphia which is usually a good sign because that place has spawned tons of great, gloopy psychedelic rock music. The exact reasons for this are yet to be explained in full. There isn’t the space to go into that here. 2) Clint Takeda from Bardo Pond is on bass and Bardo Pond are one of the best bands ever. 3) On drums is Scott Verrastro who’s played live in the ‘Pond and has also contributed to some of their side-projects. He is perhaps best known as member of the mighty Kohoutek. 4) Takeda has made the sleeve art and it looks like the kind of paintings that Kim Gordon would hang behind her sofa. These are all encouraging signs, then. The power trio have a bloke called John Comune on guitar who I’ve not heard of before. Based on Candle Finger, however, he sure knows his way around a fretboard and amplifier setup. There is one big piece of music per side of vinyl here, both seemingly untitled. The first starts slowly with laidback noodling and squeaky gate accompaniment. About eight minutes in, the bass pedal splodges matters up a notch, encouraging similar verve from Verrastro and soon enough the trio scorch into outer space. Virtually the opposite, the second side is heavy from the off with its hugely fuzzy, almost drone-metal distortion. The players then seem to deconstruct their own music from within and eventually settle down for a mellower ending. Expectations fulfilled!
Hypnodrone EnsembleThe Problem Is In The Sender – Do Not Tamper With The ReceiverCruel Nature/Wolves And Vibrancy/WV Sorcerer Productions/Katuktu Collective
Not sure why this album needs to be released by at least four different labels depending on format and location. Seems overly complicated. Should we blame Brexit? Why not?! Hypnodrone Ensemble were formed in 2014 by Aidan Baker (Nadja) and Eric Quach (thisquietarmy) with the idea of expanding their signature ambient drone work with thrusting polyrhythms and other cosmic embellishments. I’ve long contended that all the best bands have had two drummers for at least part of their career. Well, this group has three! “Mmm…” as Homer Simpson would say. “Beats.” On ‘Transit’, the drummers pound away pleasingly as the guitars wrap around like sandstorms and vocalist Lane Shi Otayonii of Elizabeth Colour Wheel intones through the sonic thicket. ‘Desdemona’ combines jazzy tendencies with pastoral post-rock. ‘Underdogs’ builds gradually towards its blistering crescendo. There’s a gothy Cure feel to the moody ‘Alchemia’. Given that it’s over 25 minutes long, ‘Punctum’ is a bonus track on some formats but if you’re a fan of the rest of it you won’t want to miss out on that epic either. It looks as though they recorded the whole set in a day, during a break in their European tour, and that seems ludicrously efficient.
Red KrossRed KrossIn The Red
Redd Kross must be the most Beatles-y band with its roots in the US hardcore scene so their self-titled double-album is bound to be dubbed “The Red Album”. Glad to report its quality remains high throughout. Given their knack at writing melodies catchier than a baseball mitten, it’s a wonder the McDonald brothers aren’t charging billions to write jingles for Amazon commercials, original soundtracks for Hollywood movies based on successful toy ranges or material that’ll help Taylor Swift to finally worm herself into the ears of Neil Tennant. That isn’t to say their songs lack depth or soul, it should be added. There is a consistent amount of oomph to the music and the lyrics are hardly throwaway. ‘Stuff’ addresses the negative psychological consequences of accumulating material goods instead of focusing on activities that might actually increase mental wellbeing, for instance. ‘Way Too Happy’ appears to reference Kurt Cobain’s bafflement at Redd Kross’ onstage cheerfulness, especially the handful of lines that suddenly sound a lot like Nirvana. Minor details aside, the styles of the songs don’t shift massively across the 18 tracks. Some are more acoustic-based and others rock out harder. Redd Kross remain undeniably good at what they do. And what is that? Writing songs!
Upright FormsBlurred WiresSkin Graft
The Minneapolis-based Upright Forms are fronted by Nick Sakes who is known for his harsher and artier work in Dazzling Killmen and Colossamite. “I love anthemic, tug-at-your-heartstrings kind of music,” he says of Blurred Wires. It makes him sound a little bit apologetic about attempting something more accessible. He does have prior, it should be noted, from his time in Sicbay. Plus, there is no need to fret because it’s not as if The Hold Steady are going to be looking over their shoulders and worrying about the usurpation of their Springst-emo crown. Yes, there are plenty of radio friendly moments on this collection, such as the melancholic second half of ‘Drive At Night’ or the various hooks in the Bob Mould, erm, mould. Crucially, the listener is never too far away from parts that are entertainingly raw, deceptively complex, angular or urgent. Like Minutemen, ‘Biology Of Time’ fits tons of ideas into less than two minutes. Other moments toy with Shellac-style minimalism to powerful effect. Besides, connoisseurs of post-hardcore don’t mind having their heartstrings yanked while they simultaneously stroke their chins and nod their heads in tacit approval.
Electric Wizards: A Tapestry Of Heavy Music, 1968 To The Present by JR Moores is available in all the best bookshops and libraries
