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Film Reviews

Cinematic Santas - The Least Convincing And Naughtiest Santas on Film
The Quietus , December 18th, 2008 09:51

In the spirit of humbuggery, The Quietus looks at some of the worst excuses for Santa ever to disgrace the silver screen, and provides Top Trumps-style stats on their performance. Whether they're slightly implausible or just plain evil, this bunch is a disgrace to the ruddy uniform.


Carry On Christmas - Perving Santa
The Khyber Pass, the French Revolution - nothing was sacred to the Carry On team, so there was thus a certain crushing inevitability that they would eventually turn their dubious talents to the festive season. There are four Christmas-themed Carry Ons, all shot for television between 1969 and 1973. No Santa in the dire-sounding Carry On Stuffing, but the final installment featured entirely predictable casting of Sid James as Sid Belcher, a department store Santa. Choice scene: Enter, Barbara Windsor, dressed as a schoolgirl, accompanied by her mother. "she's only 13", says mother. "Get away" replies James, peering lasciviously at Windor's breasts, "yes she is rather big for her age" says the mother... And so on. And on...

Likelihood of raising the ire of your gender studies undergraduate cousin: 9/10
Inspiring turkey/stuffing/breast/leg related guffawing at dinner: 10/10
Making you wish it was the 70s: 1/10