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Film Reviews

Cinematic Santas - The Least Convincing And Naughtiest Santas on Film
The Quietus , December 18th, 2008 09:51

In the spirit of humbuggery, The Quietus looks at some of the worst excuses for Santa ever to disgrace the silver screen, and provides Top Trumps-style stats on their performance. Whether they're slightly implausible or just plain evil, this bunch is a disgrace to the ruddy uniform.


Father Christmas - Raymond Briggs' Santa
The Santa in Raymond Briggs' original Father Christmas books was a misanthropic old sot whose only pleasure came in the gift of a bottle of booze from the local milkman. However, when adapted for a made for television film after the smash hit success of The Snowman, Father Christmas had cheered up remarkably. He's not averse to a touch of decadence, mind - the plot of the film concerns Santa's attempt to take a well-earned holiday, but constantly having to move on as he keeps getting recognised. In the end, a dream of bikini-clad lovelies in Las Vegas nearly stops the Bearded One from making his all-important delivery run.

Most likely to utter Christmas Day, family viewing cusswords to imply slight grumpy nature: 8/10
Inadvisability of going out in heavy rain for fear of red coat running: 9/10
Likelihood of delivering present to doomed snowman, prompting Aled Jones warble: 10/10