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Film Reviews

Cinematic Santas - The Least Convincing And Naughtiest Santas on Film
The Quietus , December 18th, 2008 09:51

In the spirit of humbuggery, The Quietus looks at some of the worst excuses for Santa ever to disgrace the silver screen, and provides Top Trumps-style stats on their performance. Whether they're slightly implausible or just plain evil, this bunch is a disgrace to the ruddy uniform.


The Polar Express - CGI Santa
After Final Fantasy this is probably the most successful attempt to computer generate human characters. The result of all this advanced motion capture technology is, however, just plain creepy. This is textbook Freudian 'uncanny': they look and act like humans but they clearly have no soul, which is disappointing because the people at Pixar could make a piece of pocket lint more charismatic than these 'spore people'. Santa is especially unnerving since you suspect that The Terminator face lies just under that beard.

Flexibility: 2/10 - About that of an action figure
Skin texture: 0/10
Luster of beard: 4/10 - A bit too lustrous