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Film Reviews

Cinematic Santas - The Least Convincing And Naughtiest Santas on Film
The Quietus , December 18th, 2008 09:51

In the spirit of humbuggery, The Quietus looks at some of the worst excuses for Santa ever to disgrace the silver screen, and provides Top Trumps-style stats on their performance. Whether they're slightly implausible or just plain evil, this bunch is a disgrace to the ruddy uniform.


Tales From the Crypt - Mental Patient Santa
Certainly one of the most memorable Tales from the Crypt stories, 'And All Through The House' was probably given a better treatment by the '90s HBO series - the one hosted by the Muppet corpse doing his best Alfred Hitchcock Presents impression - but the 1972 film version is well worth it for a young Joan Collins. After killing her fez-wearing husband in cold blood, Collins hears on the radio that there is a murderous psychopath on the loose dressed up like Santa (how inconspicuous). Said psychopath suddenly appears at the window and a frantic chase ensues - cue classic Tales From The Crypt ironic ending.

Costume: 9/10 - Surprisingly accurate
Twinkle in eye: 5/10 - More like murderous glare
Christmas spirit: 3/10 - Christmas spirit merely a ruse to enter the house