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Film Reviews

Cinematic Santas - The Least Convincing And Naughtiest Santas on Film
The Quietus , December 18th, 2008 09:51

In the spirit of humbuggery, The Quietus looks at some of the worst excuses for Santa ever to disgrace the silver screen, and provides Top Trumps-style stats on their performance. Whether they're slightly implausible or just plain evil, this bunch is a disgrace to the ruddy uniform.


Bad Santa - Billy Bob Santa
Billy Bob Thornton plays an alcoholic, drug-abusing, "chubby chasing", amyl-sniffing, children-hating, pant-wetting, Tourette's-suffering, violent, self-hating, morally bankrupt thief with a dwarf side-kick. So it comes naturally to the pair to pose as a store Santa and one of his helpers each year while planning to rob a shopping mall. The only trouble is that this year the dysfunctional criminal becomes emotionally attached to a young boy who needs a father figure.

Number of times he wets himself: 2
Types of drug taken: 4
Number of times he says fuck in front of kids: 10