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Jarvis Cocker's Songwriting 101 And The Worst Lyrics Ever . . .
John Doran , October 10th, 2008 18:19

Recently at In The City, Jarvis Cocker proved the main attraction with his lecture on lyrics. Here is our guide how not to write 'em . . . featuring Bob Dylan, Bono, Morrissey and more.

Lyricscarbonsilicon_1223658016_resize_460x400

Carbon/Silicon 'Oil Well'
"After 9/11
They had a three point plan
Osama bin Laden, Iraq, and Iran
So they went into Kabul
To get the Taliban
In the Tora Bora
Caves of Afghanistan

Now you can listen to music
Or go to the show
And the Central Asian pipeline
Continues to flow
You can stand in the fields
Where the poppies grow
It simply begs the question
Where did the future go?

Over there in Iraq
There's a big oil well
Everyone's in shock
Overought by the smell
With insurgents going live
And no one can tell
That the end of the beginning
Was when Baghdad fell

Saddam was the Emperor
Of his Republican Guard
They found him in a hole
In someone's backyard
With all of us making war
With total disregard
Trying to make some peace
It shouldn't be so hard

They're getting all
Hett up all around Iran
They don't think it's fair
About this nuclear plan
It should be the same
With London or Tehran
No one should have them
Not any man

Let's take all the money
And all of the waste
And shoot the whole lot
Into outer space
And try to make
A humanitarian case
For dropping some love
On the human race

And please don't think
I don't care 'cause I do
But I have to say the things
We dare not say that are true
And please don't put me on a list
Ring me through
Cause I been honest
And been true to you

Let's drop some luxury
Goods on to their heads
Give them a DVD player instead
Like in the film
When El Cid said
"We wish you no harm
And we bring you bread"

Is this how it's going to be?
When the only platform
Is in the North Sea
Like a reverse domino
It simply begs the question
Where did the future go?

Follow me down
To the depths of Iran
We'll try
To geologically understand
Roll out a barrel
Limit the price
Skake your money maker
And make things nice

So you know
The world's a messed up place
Got to thank some puts
And even band for interface
Unprovoked aggression
Just one stand
That's our future
In a three point plan

Please don't think
I don't care 'cause I do
But I have to say the things
We dare not say that are true
And please don't put me on a list
Rring me through
Cause I been honest
And been true to you
You, I've been true to you


(6x):
We'll try
To make a humanitarian case
For dropping some love
On the human race
We'll try
To make a humanitarian case
For dropping some love
On the human race

We'll try
To make a humanitarian case
For dropping some love
On the human race
We'll try to make
A humanitarian case"

Wow.


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