How to make a British music TV programme: 1! Comb NME from six months ago to remind yourself which hyped major label indie band it was that a highly-paid plugger told you were "totally amazing" over a line of beak after lunch somewhere in Soho, and another line of beak a few hours later somewhere in Dalston. 2! Book them 3! Get the unpaid intern stylist to dress them up using a Vice party photos gallery as guide 4! Book shiny-faced young presenter with three mm of brain and a ludicrously over-pronounced regional accent 5! Film the whole sorry shower of shit 6! 6.5! Don't forget the prattling, inane, uniformed interview element! 8! Whack it on T4 9! Order more chang and honk it up, not before offering some to unpaid intern stylist who you want to have sex with. What a load of sphincter scraping, eh readers?

So! Let's look to Germany, where they do things much better, thus: 1! Rent massive fuck off decaying industrial power station 2! Book pioneering artists of the European post punk pop avant-garde, Wire, Einsturzende Neubauten, Caspar Brotzmann Massaker 3! Film it 4! Ace telly ensues. Such it is in the brilliant programme for ZDF Kultur, broadcast in Germany in December 2011. You can watch the show, all hour and a half of great, below: