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LISTEN! New Coldplay
Luke Turner , June 3rd, 2011 07:53

'Every Teardrop Is A Waterfall' online now

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One day, we hope that Coldplay will release a track of quite staggering magnificence just so we can stop being called predictable for telling them off. Unfortunately, this isn't it. There's something about Chris Martin's vocal in the first bit over the dodgy ravey piano (see below for more on that) that feels very familiar; someone in our office said "what are all those Scottish guitars?" and, perhaps most strangely for Coldplay the thing that even their detractors will give them credit for, that ability to write a gaseous everyman sentiment over a daytime radio melody, is submerged in the strangely lumpen production. There's something about this track that sounds like a boy band whose star is on its wane, which is probably the weirdest thing about it. "I'd rather be a comma than a full stop," Martin sings. And that, essentially, is the problem with Coldplay. They're a group so massive they have their own momentum now, operating in a bizarre celebrity stratosphere that, in a way, is even odder than the one Bono flies through now and then. Coldplay are a corporation, monolithic and unstoppable, and this is what it sounds like.

Oh, and that piano bit at the beginning? As our Twitter followers pointed out, check this:

Coops
Jun 3, 2011 12:10pm

That Chris Martin and his Scottish guitars. He's a Big Count-ry man after all.

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Mona Street
Jun 3, 2011 12:18pm

They're both sampling 'I Go To Rio' by Peter Allen!!!

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A Clockwork Lozenge
Jun 3, 2011 12:29pm

Presumably the band are now getting their song titles off the Christian posters on their walls. Next up: "Every Raindrop Is A Kiss From Heaven".

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G
Jun 3, 2011 1:22pm

Listening to this song, it's like taking a shower and then discovering it isn't water you're bathing yourself with... It's acid! Bland acid!

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G
Jun 3, 2011 1:44pm

Mmm, I shoulda said 'I'm bathing in the blandness'. That sounds way better. You folks should run a competition for best put down of this song. You could name it the 'James Murphy Award For Exceptional Disapprobation In The Field Of Muscial Atrocities' in honour of his wonderful put down of The Black Eyed Peas.

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Mr Fenrir
Jun 3, 2011 3:13pm

What a fucking title. I wish they'd at least try and make an effort.

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popbijoux
Jun 3, 2011 3:25pm

it's their Stg. Peppers shot! haha. You know, "psychedelic" and deep and also real. The faces are priceless, with Chris Martin squinting like he has something very important to tell you. Chris Martin is to emotion what Gwyneth Paltrow is to eating. I'll write the book, thank you, and skip the taste.

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Toxteth O'Grady
Jun 3, 2011 3:47pm

Sorry to hear that they did not ditch their U2 obsession.

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MrSunburn
Jun 3, 2011 3:48pm

That second video is sort of amazing. Maybe Coldplay will be that interesting in 25 years time. Like a fine wine.

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Apop
Jun 3, 2011 8:15pm

As a Yank, I'm starting to think I gave Coldplay the benefit of the doubt 'cos they're from the UK (you folks have an absurd amount of musical talent). But the longer they hang around the more it's becoming apparent they're actually the UK version of Nickelback. And forget charges of larceny (they've been sued for stealing music before, no?), the punishment comes in that, if they didn't steal a riff from a song 20 years old, they instead wrote something that mirrors an utterly forgettable 20 year old song (tho I'll happily watch that Mystic gal dance around to that riff any day!).

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Rufus
Jun 5, 2011 4:29am

They can layer as many guitars as they want on this song. It will never mask the taste of suck. I'm stupid for even bothering to listen to it. The Mystic song is another celebration of dull.

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uncle d
Jun 5, 2011 12:34pm

I'm still trying to get over their flirt with Karftwerk...

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shasha li
Oct 4, 2011 2:47am

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