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Ten Songs

She's A Model: Katie 'Jordan' Price On Kraftwerk & Slayer
Joel McIver , July 13th, 2010 08:48

Joel McIver takes his trusty crate of vinyl to an interview with model, author, TV star and now chanteuse Katie Price, AKA Jordan

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A permanent red-top feature for over a decade, Katie Price ('Jordan' in old money) is the most identifiable British celebrity of our era, with the possible exception of the Beckhams and perhaps the royal family. Despite a track record as a media whipping-girl (she made No. 2 in The 100 Worst Britons We Love To Hate on Channel 4 in 2003) and years of incessant mockery for her antics as a glamour model and reality-show staple, Price has built a vast business empire (books, perfumes, clothing, TV, you name it) and is said to be worth £40m. That’s a lot more than you. Little wonder she’s on sprightly form when The Quietus meets her for a chat about her new single, 'Free To Love Again', recorded in the wake of her recent marriage to Hollyoaks alumnus Alex Reid – although some of our music is evidently not to her taste.

Kraftwerk - 'The Model'

Spine-tingling electro classic that tells the tale of a champagne-guzzling pin-up who plays hard to get and smiles from time… to time.

Katie says: Never heard of them. This reminds me of 'Don’t You Want Me' by the Eurythmics. That was by the Human League? Ah, OK. It’s really like that though. What do I think of it? It’s boring. It’s all right.

Do you look back fondly on your modelling days?

KP: When I look back on my life, it’s gone like that [clicks fingers]. I respect everything I’ve done and I remember everything I’ve done, literally. You can’t plan your path. Things happen for reasons. I believe in fate.

Was it fun being a model? This song underlines the fact that the job can be rather empty.

KP: Hmm… I enjoyed modelling. It’s like a dance. You get used to doing it. The camera’s on and I switch it on. You can put me on a stage in front of millions and I could stand there, getting my kit off, doing my thing and not being nervous, because I’m used to doing it – but put me on stage singing, and it’s a different ball game, because I’m not used to it.

Burning Spear - 'Jordan River'

Smouldering reggae anthem from the great Jamaican roots singer.

Katie says: This reminds me of sunshine, barbecues, beaches, garden parties… it’s easy listening.

Why did you adopt the name Jordan?

KP: I was never going to do Page Three, but somebody didn’t turn up for the job. I was in London for a casting, and my agent said that the girl hadn’t turned up and could I go along, but if I did I’d have to change my name. Back in the day they used to have a caption next to you saying 'Jordan’s going cycling' or something. I don’t think they do that any more.

But why choose Jordan in particular?

KP: Dunno. It was just a name that came up. That’s why I believe in fate, because from then, the next thing was Formula One – Eddie Jordan’s team.

Nancy Sinatra - 'Good Time Girl'

Frank’s daughter warbles a forthright tale about the life and times of the society belle.

Katie says: Not into that one little bit.

Your social life was a prominent feature of the tabloid press in the 1990s...

KP: Yeah. I used to go out a lot more when I was younger, but people still seem to think that I drink a lot. I actually don’t at all.

Because you’re a mother now?

KP: Not only that, I just don’t: I never have done. But between the age of 17 and 23, I did nothing different to anyone else. Acting a twat. Getting in pictures. But so would most people. I wasn’t doing anything wrong and I don’t have any regrets.

Rage Against The Machine 'Take The Power Back'

Amazing, fists-aloft paean to those languishing under the heel of authority.

Katie says: Not into it at all. I bet you lot are, aren’t you? [points at press officer] This is kind of festival music, I’ve never ever been to a festival in my life.

This song is about people fighting their oppressors. Do you have any political convictions?

KP: I’m not into politics.

You stood as an MP in Stretford in 2001.

KP: Oh, it was all a load of bollocks really. The interesting thing is, if I’d done it under my real name I probably would have won. It’s quite scary to know that.

Guns N’ Roses - 'Welcome To The Jungle'

Axl Rose’s warning tale of arriving in LA from the sticks and being royally ripped off.

Katie says: This does nothing for me. There’s no soul – nothing. I like my soppy ballads, 80s, R&B. Luther Vandross, Anita Baker. George Benson, more soulful kind of stuff. Phil Collins. But I can’t stand the Bee Gees and I never liked M People. And I hate Abba. Isn’t that weird? I don’t like any of them, and they’re massive.

Was 2004’s I’m A Celebrity, Get Me Out Of Here a pivotal point in your career?

KP: I would recommend it to anyone who gets a chance to do it. It makes you appreciate the luxuries that you have in life. Toilets. Things in the bathroom. The amount of food you eat and waste. I’m not high maintenance – well, as long as I get my nails done. I like camping and getting dirty, like in, what’s that film with Goldie Hawn? Private Ryan or something?

Private Benjamin.

KP: You know when she’s doing a 10-mile run and every mile there’s an obstacle course with mud or water? I love anything tomboyish like that.

How come you don’t like festivals then? They’re famous for being muddy.

KP: Never been. I think it’s the music. It’s normally quite rocky.

Peter Andre - 'Mysterious Girl'

Price’s ex-chap’s first and only hit, remembered by many for his abdominal musculature in the accompanying video clip.

Katie says: Um… this just reminds me of Pete, really. It reminds me of screaming girls and everyone in a club singing and loving it. It’s like an old classic, isn’t it?

Are you still friends with your ex-husband?

KP: I don’t talk to him.

Disposable Heroes Of Hiphoprisy - 'Television, A Drug Of The Nation'

This classic hip-hop anthem pinpointed the rise of propaganda TV with terrible accuracy.

Katie says: I do prefer hip-hop to rock.

You’ve done a lot of TV. Do you look back on it and think it’s all equally good?

KP: I look at some of it and think, a lot of it was edited to one good cop, one bad cop. But when it’s my own show, which I have been doing, there’s no good cop or bad cop, it’s just about me and so it’s equal in my eyes. There’s no-one to play against. It’s me.

Girls Aloud - 'No Good Advice'

This generation’s girl band, pretending to be rebellious.

Katie says: I think Girls Aloud are a good-looking band. I like some of their stuff. They’re all catchy, aren’t they, their tunes?

If you could go back 10 years and give yourself some advice, what would it be?

KP: I would say, don’t do Eurovision [Price competed to represent the UK in the 2005 contest, narrowly losing to Javine Hylton]. It’s the worst thing I’ve ever done.

Why so?

KP: I couldn’t sing the song now, I couldn’t sing it then. [Indicating assistant] Gary knows the nerves I went through… it was awful, wasn't it? I was pregnant. I felt like I was used, actually. I feel that as soon as they found out I was pregnant, that Javine won by [a narrow margin], I mean how fixed is that? Still, that’s a long story. But that’s one regret. That’s it, I haven’t got any other regrets. It’s made me the person I am today.

Slayer - 'Payback'

Very angry thrash metal from the Los Angeles legends.

Katie says: [after two seconds of music] Not for me! That is just noise. This music… I don’t know what it is. See, you’re tapping your foot, and I’m thinking, what are you tapping to? There’s no beat!

There is a beat, it’s just very fast.

KP: But where’s that beat? [Hears the word ‘motherfucker’ in the chorus] Motherfucker! Not my kind of lyrics. I can’t even understand what they’re saying. Noise.

[Price’s assistant, shocked] People buy that?

Yes, in their millions.

KP: But what do people… I couldn’t even get ready listening to that. What I mean is, some music you put on and you’re like, ‘Whoa, I like this’ but that? Nothing.

This song is about taking revenge on people. Are you vindicated by the fact that you have become wealthy and popular, despite the many criticisms you’ve faced?

KP: Success is the best revenge ever, and as I’m getting older it’s not important about proving, it’s more doing what I want to do and what I enjoy doing. That comes with age. I’m happy that I’ve got my kids and my horses and that I’m getting on with my life, I’m remarried and I’ve got to think ahead. Whatever happens happens, you’ve got to get on with it.

Does criticism get to you?

KP: No, I’m used to it. I think I’m unfairly judged, that’s all.

By whom?

KP: The media. They know the truth, they know what I’m like, they just don’t want to print the real stuff. That’s what bugs me. If they’re told something positive they won’t print it, they’re not interested. They want the negative, which I think is unfair. I think some of the things that people write are so vile, and I think 'Oh my God, if only they really knew me, you wouldn’t even say half this stuff' because people are so sucked into believing what they read. But because I’m in the industry it’s just one big game. If you’re in this industry you either like it or lump it, you put up with criticism and if you don’t like it, get out of it.

Do you take compliments seriously?

KP: I don’t even take anything on board. Whether it’s my books or my single, as long as I have fun promoting it and I have fun doing it and I do the best that I can, that’s all I can do. I’m gonna get judged with everything I do, so you’ve just got to get on with it.

Katie Price - 'Free To Love Again'

Katie says: I only recorded this three or four weeks ago. A guy I knew a few years ago who I recorded some songs with, he saw me on I’m A Celebrity... and tried to get hold of me. He said 'Look, Kate, I’ve really got a song to play for you, if you don’t like it fine, but listen to it' so he played it for me in my car and it worked and I said 'Yeah, I’ll give it a go and see how I sound on it' and recorded it three weeks ago in my house and here I am three weeks later. I haven’t got a record company, it’s all digital. I’ve done it all back to front, because you’re really supposed to give yourself three months to get on the playlists at radio and blah blah blah, but even if I did people probably wouldn’t play it anyway. That’s what I mean about people, they like to have a little dig.

There must be some decent people in the media, surely?

KP: Oh of course there is, but I’m like a digging machine, so it’s cool. But I say bollocks to it. I’m enjoying promoting it and I like doing it, so if you like it you like it and if you don’t like it don’t listen to it. If you like it, download it. But I can’t be any more fairer than that, all I know is I’m going to have fun doing it.

'Free To Love Again' is available to download from iTunes. Info: www.katieprice.co.uk

Ash
Jul 13, 2010 12:54pm

I cringed all the way through this. I crunge.

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the Kernel
Jul 13, 2010 1:19pm

I believe you might find her picture next to the word vapid in the dictionary.

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Neil
Jul 13, 2010 1:40pm

This was fun. You should make this a regular feature but go more extreme with the choices of music. The nation wants to know what vapid celebs make of Whitehouse.

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uncle d
Jul 13, 2010 3:02pm

slow news week...

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BrutalNoodle
Jul 13, 2010 4:10pm

Welcome to the Jungle has no soul? Sad that she's allowed to breathe our oxygen.

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Blast Vader
Jul 13, 2010 4:24pm

McIver is a legend - 'Private Ryan' is my favourite bit...

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elmsyrup
Jul 13, 2010 4:36pm

In reply to BrutalNoodle:

Oh my god, get over yourself. So she doesn't like music. You've more or less wished her dead there- that's going a bit far.

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Joel McIver
Jul 13, 2010 5:40pm

In reply to elmsyrup:

Brutal Noodle has a point though. Welcome... is a perfect piece of blues-indebted rock that is all about soul.

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Jul 13, 2010 5:47pm

In reply to elmsyrup:

Get over myself? That's not even applicable. She's one brain cell shy of a talking monkey and I suspect you're right there with her. Had she not been born attractive, she'd be serving fast food right now.

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G
Jul 13, 2010 6:54pm

Next week on The Quietus, Kerry Katona on Fever Ray and Einstürzende Neubauten

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Rich M
Jul 13, 2010 7:01pm

Should really have played her some Merzbow after the Slayer.

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Luke Turner
Jul 13, 2010 7:07pm

In reply to G:

fuck, brilliant idea.

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Sam
Jul 13, 2010 7:07pm

Really, any need? The problem as far as I'm concerned is not primarily people like Jordan/Katona themselves, wretched though they are, it's the fact that people give them the oxygen of publicity. Did any of your readers really need to be told that Jordan doesn't know shit about music and is a bit stupid?

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Andy
Jul 13, 2010 8:47pm

Oh The Quietus, you let yourselves down when you publish stuff like this. Completely pointless.

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Kirian
Jul 13, 2010 9:14pm

Slipping in 'Television: the drug of the nation' was a stroke of genius that someone failed to recognise. I hug wholeheartedly whoever came up with this.

It's the antidote to that thing The Wire does (Secret Jukebox?). Even if it is almost pointless.

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elmsyrup
Jul 13, 2010 10:53pm

In reply to :

Oi, Noodle, again with the rudeness- "She's one brain cell shy of a talking monkey and I suspect you're right there with her". Why would I even be reading TQ if that was true? I just think these easy target pieces of nastiness don't exactly add to the wealth of humanity. What did TQ expect her to say, for heaven's sake?

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Christopher Queen
Jul 14, 2010 9:30am

In reply to Neil:

Yes, yes and yes!

Victoria Beckham on Nurse With Wound. Sarah Harding on Melt Banana. Danni Minogue on The Bug.

Can we please make this happen?

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Chris
Jul 14, 2010 10:52am

Haha this is a brilliant idea, if a touch cruel. Especially playing her Mysterious Girl. I cringed at that bit.

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corrina
Jul 14, 2010 11:39am

'Vapid'. Good word.
Good feature!

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Jul 14, 2010 11:43am

Juts because idiots are doing press it doesn't mean you have to interview them.

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toby
Jul 14, 2010 11:56am

In reply to the Kernel:

Your dictionary has pictures in it? Did you get it from the Early Learning Centre?

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Nick
Jul 14, 2010 4:46pm

I like this. It made me smile.

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Guy
Jul 14, 2010 6:11pm

I quite liked this. And I'd pay money to see Joel get over himself.

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PAC
Jul 14, 2010 6:32pm

In reply to Guy:

Plenty of Fine Girls Flog Burgers.
Cracking Feature.

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Aston Bowles
Jul 14, 2010 6:52pm

The single greatest Jordan interview ever.

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Your Mum
Jul 14, 2010 9:51pm

Why wasn't this interview conducted by Mr Agreeable?

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Robin Brown
Jul 15, 2010 3:00am

In reply to elmsyrup:

I expected her to say something like "well...me and Pete used to listen to South Of Heaven whilst we were having our cocoa but, since I kicked him out, I've realised they're a bit girly for my tastes innit. So now, when me new fellas nodded off, I like nothing more than grabbing a copy of Hello, putting me little pink ear buds in and listening to The Bezerker."

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Tim Footman
Jul 15, 2010 1:13pm

So, not only is she thick, ugly and vile, she also has dreadful taste in music. Thanks for that.

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Del
Jul 15, 2010 4:37pm

Superbly done. Satire at its most honest.

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Petra
Jul 15, 2010 6:41pm

Wow. Horrible. Genuinely horrible. Particularly disliking the air of palpable disdain, and the low low lowness of playing her her ex-husband's record. Grim.

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thosegoldsoundz
Jul 16, 2010 10:56am

Have to agree with Petra - the levels of self-congratulatory smugness here are pretty rank. Very boys club. Not sure why everyone's so certain of her stupidity either - there have been thousands of topless models, how many of those have established a multi-million pound business empire? How many of you have for that matter? As for her music tastes, so she dislikes thrash and German electronica but likes pop and mainstream hip-hop. So, like most working class women her age then? How terrible.

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Anthony
Jul 16, 2010 2:33pm

Good piece enjoyed that! Enjoy the fucking narrow minded idiots "Quietus letting yourselves down"

It makes a moderately interesting read even if she is obviously as think as the worlds biggest plank and it gets the site tons of hits. Winner!

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Joel McIver
Jul 17, 2010 9:29am

In reply to thosegoldsoundz:

Nonsense, Petra and thosegoldsoundz. At no point does the feature state or imply that Katie is stupid, and I made a point of emphasising her business achievements in the very first paragraph. Any self-congratulatory or smug overtones that you've taken from this interview are entirely the product of your own overexcited imaginations.

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ASMO
Jul 18, 2010 12:37pm

another fine demonstration of the vacuum that exists between her ears

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ASMO
Jul 18, 2010 12:40pm

In reply to Ash:

wow! you got through it? I gave up after the 1st record

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Irrepressible Pulse
Jul 19, 2010 2:25pm

When I saw the title to this piece I was so worried it was going to be just another bit of Jordan-bashing piss-taking. So glad it's an actual interview - fair play to her for being up for it. The QUietus comes across well too, asking her reasonably intelligent questions rather than talking down to her or being over-salacious. In fact the only let-down on this page is the reactions of some of the pompous muso-types commenting underneath the piece. Some of you lot are really in trouble if you think listening to godawful metal somehow makes you intellectually superior to people less obsessive than you. Reading Katie Price talk about giving anything 'a go' is a damn sight more refreshing than listening to the latest indie genius drone on about his too-cool-for-school record collection. I know who I'd rather have a pint with - shame Katie's on the wagon.

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Geoff Shoulders
Jul 21, 2010 11:20am

My word, you you people do love to rip people apart with your comments don't you? 'Ooh, Katie Price does like all the cool music we do. Snigger.' Your mums must be so proud of you all.

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John
Jul 22, 2010 8:15am

In reply to Neil:

A brilliant idea, Neil!!!

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John
Jul 22, 2010 8:16am

In reply to Rich M:

And then tell her Merzbow has released like 3030 CDs!!!

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Simon
Jul 26, 2010 7:41pm

I loved this, it was very funny. She may be an easy target but it was handled with a very light touch. A bit of a low blow to play Peter Andre - she took it well though.

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Geoff barrow
Jul 29, 2010 2:32pm

In reply to Simon:

its amazing how many people commented on this story

she is everywhere and now she is here

i dont get it

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Petra
Jul 30, 2010 8:42am

In reply to Joel McIver:

Dunno about smug or self-congratulatory; this reads as mean. Doing an invisible jukebox with Katie Price - would it have cost you SO much to do your research and find out about music that she loves and wants to talk about? No, it's funnier to play her music she knows tit-all about, right? That way it's clear her musical endeavours are worthless. And playing her Mysterious Girl - man.
That's pretty disgusting. What did you hope would happen? Did you laugh about it with people afterwards?

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Steven
Aug 3, 2010 7:53pm

Dunno if most people have missed (what I see) as being the point.
Katie Price / Jordan hasn't heard of Kraftwerk. Or Slayer. Probably doesn't even know that metal as a genre exists beyond "that 'nice' song Metallicky did that they used to play down at Shades Nightclub". She's supposed to be involved in media, OK so it's not likely that there's a copy of New Britain or Who Can I Turn to Stereo in her cupboard, but she's oblivious to an entire world of entertainment out there that she's a supposed part of. It's like describing your career as "painter" and asking "who's John Constable".

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Emily
Aug 4, 2010 7:49pm

I don't really understand the point of this; she comes across as unphased and content in the bland world she's created. And Quietus come across as elitist and obnoxious trying to make some sort of half-arsed point about her simplicity.. I'm completely underwhelmed. Even my comment is lulling me into a apathetic coma. Can't wait for the next one.

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Petra
Aug 17, 2010 4:28pm

In reply to Steven:

Steve, your comment might hold water if there were similar expectations on, say, metal musicians to know their pop, urban, hip hop or R&B. As it is, it's kind of absurd.

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SadBast
Aug 15, 2011 3:13pm

So you can take the braincell out of the girl but PLEASE can someone put the Jordan back into the river.

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Liam
Sep 13, 2012 7:32pm

to be fair. slayer is shite.

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