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Dr Johnson

Doctor Samuel JOHNSON’S Dictionary of the new Musick: A
The Quietus , November 9th, 2009 06:56

Wherein popular Minstrels & divers Forms of Song are subjeckt to withering Definition & justly lampoon'd for the common LISTENER

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A

ABBA

Quarto of Vikings most obvious in Rhyming Couplets; yet most mysterious as to who is the FIT ONE

'All Along The Watch Tower'

A jolly Ditty by light-heart’d Wit Mister DYLAN; soft in Tone, easy to play ‘pon the Lute & simple of LYRICK

Acid House

Repetitive Charivari typical of the far Principalities of Detroit & IBIZA; much improv’d by Ether & LAUDANUM

Aphex Twin

Shadowy Will o’ the Wisp who does torture the Ears through Experiments in MUSICK

Adam and the Ants

Vile Band of Dandies & Highway-men who thus deserve naught save the Scaffold & the GIBBETT

'Angel Of Death' by Slayer

A grave Exploration in Song of the Depths of human Cruelty; a great Influence 'pon fellow Diabolists BE-WITCH'D

'Are "Friends" Electric?'

Philosophickal Question pos’d by silvery waxen Golem Mister Gary NUMAN

'Abacab' by Genesis

Musickal Cross-road whereat Mister COLLINS' Trio of Minstrels turns from a favour'd Act for STUDENTS to a favour'd Act for MERCHANTS

'Autobahn' by Kraftwerk

Prussian Inhumanity that does stretch Mister Benj. FRANKLIN’S Investigation into Electrickity for two & twenty MINUTES

Alice Cooper

Once fearsome Performer from the Colonies who now draws a Pension and ekes out his Twilight years in divers Comedies & ADVERTISEMENTS

All Writing & Ideas therein are the Creation of Mister Tom MORTON, who does write for Mister NEATE of The Quietus, yet does reserve the Right to use said Writing in divers Publickations in Future.

Follow Dr Johnson on Twitter via @DrSamuelJohnson

Dogonaut
Nov 9, 2009 12:12pm

Quite possibly the funniest thing I've read in a long time!

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ADC
Nov 9, 2009 12:26pm

Genius, absolute genius.

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damien
Nov 9, 2009 1:04pm

"... much improv’d by Ether & LAUDANUM"

LOVE IT!

x

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James
Nov 9, 2009 3:24pm

In reply to damien:

About time abacab was recognised as an important cultural landmark.

What does Dr Johnson make of Van der Graaf Generator?

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JBM
Nov 9, 2009 4:02pm

"Humorous"

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PhilS
Nov 9, 2009 4:02pm

Excellent. Can't wait for the good Doctor's opinion on Jive Bunny.

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Rebecca Smith
Mar 18, 2010 12:22pm

hello, could you please directly email me? I work for a national radio news programme and we are keen to get @DrSamuelJohnson to twitter for us during the election campaign. Please email me if interested.

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