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Robbie Williams New Album Reality Killed The Video Star First Review
Jude Rogers , October 29th, 2009 08:31

What do Morrissey and "the fat dancer from Take That" have in common? Well, quite a lot, according to Jude Rogers. Let her explain as she dissects Reality Killed The Radio Star . . .

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OK, Quietus brethren, gloves off. Reality Killed The Video Star proves that you should all love Robbie Williams. You know, Robbie Williams – aka Blobby, The Blob, That Cocky Twat Who Fell Through A Door On The X Factor, Serves Him Right, Hahaha. Yes, you should. For even though this writer harbours obsessions for Kraftwerk, Joy Division, Joanna Newsom and the lesser works of Robert Wyatt's bumhole, she has also has space in her heart for the fat dancer from Take That. And in this track-by-track review, I will tell you why.

But firstly, my theory: Robbie Williams is the mainstream pop Morrissey. Some of the similarities are cosmetic. There's that greying quiff, the solid torso, the Northern shoulders for starters. Then there's the longing for attention, the need to clasp the hands of the sweaty front row. Then there are the wry asides live (Robbie in the Roundhouse last week: "My auntie's looking down on me...she's not dead, she's just really condescending"; Morrissey in the Royal Albert Hall on Tuesday, a day after leaving hospital, "The North Will Rise Again!"), and the self-awareness and self-flagellation that whip their songs into shape.

Then there's their beloved Manchester – ah, so much to answer for – creeping into songs from 'Suffer Little Children' to 'Munich Air Disaster 1958', from 'Knutsford City Limits' [Oh dear God, not another Cheshire versus Manchester versus Lancashire debate, Ed] to 'Burslem Normals'. Both men escaped from England to the bright sun of LA, and they have the glittering shadow of a big band behind them – OK, Take That aren't The Smiths, that's for sure, but give 'Back For Good' some credit for being their 'There Is A Light That Never Goes Out'. And yes, these two little shits are proper fuckers at times. But they're also lovable showmen, trying to do something lovelorn and interesting and romantic with pop, and I love them for it. [Incidentally, for an instant hit of this RobMoz crossover, try his 2005 solo hit, 'Tripping' ("First they ignore you/ Then laugh at you, then hate you"). And then watch his Morrissey-aping hearing aid act on Top Of The Pops in 2000, or weep at the knowledge that the two of them nearly created the Britney/Madonna duet at the 2005 Brits. I am.)

And now Stoke-on-Trent's Robert Peter gives us his latest album, produced by the masterful Trevor Horn – the title is a nods to his big hit with Buggles. Question is, is it Robbie's glorious Viva Hate, or his deathly Kill Uncle? Read on...

MORNING SUN

Birds tweet, and a harmonica sighs, giving the album a sweet, folky start. But hark! Incoming soaring strings and a keening piano show us that Robbie isn't going down the eccentric route again, as he did on 2006's wilfully experimental, but occasionally brilliant Rudebox. "A message to the troubadour/The world don't love you any more", Robbie sings, the chutzpah no longer there, the sadness creeping in, in a vocal that shows what his voice really can do. Other nice lyrics shimmer here, too – "how many stars would you give to the moon?", Robbie asks his critics, before telling us what it's like to be"stuck inside the rainbow years". Even a middle-eight that nods towards the trippy oompah of 'I Am The Walrus' can't change a mood that is both grand but melancholy, epic but reflective.

BODIES

You might have heard this one, pop-pickers. It's the new, sparkling single that Bob sang on the X-Factor, and although some muppets deemed his performance disastrous, it was actually far from awful – a welcome hit of weirdness in a show where the only signs of personality are always stripped out (goodbye wonky-haired, brilliantly odd Rachel Adedeji, hello straightened-haired, pretty-frocked Rachel Adedeji) or made into a farce (hello, John and Edward). With lyrics about entropy, bodhi trees, and a chorus that is Morrissey to the marrow – "God save me rejection from my reflection, I want perfection", he sings, as if he's channelling 'Let Me Kiss You''s "open your eyes, and you see someone that you physically despise" – it also finishes with a group of gospel singers hollering that "Jesus didn't die for us". Eat that, Cowell! This is what pop is for.

YOU KNOW ME

"If a man can be his own fantasy, then to only breed in captivity is pointless/I’ve been doing what I like, when I like, how I like, it’s joyless." Nonsensical and brilliant. Can more pop songs start with lines like that, please? I don't mind if it's to a furiously catchy, waltzy Motown beat either, or if includes lines about missing your ex and getting pissed on shit booze ("I’m doing fine and the sun often shines/What are you thinking?/I bruised up my mind with this Thunderbird wine/Baby I’m drinking"). Cheers!

BLASPHEMY

OK, a duff moment – this one's slushier than a purple-raspberry ice drink that will turn your piss blue. Blame Guy Chambers, who wrote with Williams for his first three records, that all sold roughly seven trillion copies. This is a song from those early days, and although it's better than a poke in the eye with a glass shard, then "blast for you/blasphemy" pun in the chorus labours more than an elephant in her fourth trimester. More interesting stuff would come later, in the Stephen Duffy years – 2005's Intensive Care being Robbie's best record so far.

DO YOU MIND

Hmm, another wobbly one. This puts Status Quo, Slade and a gallon of glam-rock in a bottle, shakes it up, and make an interesting, if rather peculiar, froth. Mildly diverting, admittedly, but might give you indigestion after prolonged consumption, like most of Morrissey's plodding Boz Boorer moments. Extra points for the line "Bring some wine and some Sensodyne", mind you.

THE LAST DAYS OF DISCO

But hoorah! KLAXON FOR THE ROBBIE-HATERS This one's for you, my darlings. A properly fantastic electro-pop epic that screams of the Pet Shop Boys and gives us a glorious reminder of Trevor Horn's pop-producing genius. Minimal, menacing, and lit up with mirrorballs, its chorus is also superbly sinister. "Don't call it a comeback", Robbie whispers, in a voice that still has a measure of sweetness, "Look what I invented here".

SOMEWHERE

A weird track, but another great moment – a subtle, orchestral miniature introduced by plucked and bowed strings, and wordless vocal harmonies. Find your place to "lay your heavy head down", Robbie tells us, softly, and "take your chance in life/Go out and find a wife". It's like a recitative from a peculiar, melancholy musical, the kind that Antony Hegarty would kill with ponderousness, but Robbie brings alive with control and subtlety. About a minute long, too. Odd, but good.

DECEPTACON

"Microwave yourself today/Save you for a rainy day/Hello Deceptacon/This will not be going away". Another peculiar set of lyrics, floating on waves of reverb, sad strings and icy keyboards – rather fitting for a song about a deceptacon, a creature whose surface charm hides ugliness underneath. It's an unshowy meditation the shallowness of fame, with a fantastic, mournful outro ("who are you? who are you? And what are you to me? What can I do for you?"). Two prime Mozisms here, too: the peculiarly moving lyric, "all over Britain, we wait for permission to form another queue", and the wonderful departing gambit, "Send my best to all concerned/I know I've been a gracious host".

STARSTRUCK

Goldfrapp's Felt Mountain, the Ipcress File Soundtrack and the shadow of Broadcast fall over the first ten seconds of this song about our obsession with celebrity, and you can't say that for the latest Westlife chart-topper. This soon gets a little too perky for its own good, admittedly, but it's far from Steps: The Greatest And Most Fucking Irritating Hits. "Knock one off the wrist", he sighs, devilishly, while he's "living in hysterica for everyone's betterment". Listen, grannies and goths: he's both bonkers and brilliant.

DIFFICULT FOR WEIRDOS

Synths! Swirly noises! Lyrics about "futurists in the bistro", boys getting their eyes "made up at the bus stop", and "psycho evolution"! Far less try-hard than it sounds, with a fantastically catchy tune that turns your head into happy mush.

WON'T DO THAT

Blaring horns and Elton John piano riffs bring the album to the close, with this being Robbie's last stadium-busting stand. It's an immediate track, certainly, but less interesting than his earlier songs. Nevertheless, its message is valiant, proud and direct, an oath to his girlfriend of three years, Ayda Field, that "I won't do that to you". He's not the jealous guy any more, either – "another sign that we're doing it right" – and as it sparkles through the speakers, you feel another Robbie is naturally emerging: someone shaking off the showiness, and letting his vulnerability become an unglossy reality, rather than a needy pose.

MORNING SUN (REPRISE)

We end where we began, that harmonica wailing just that little longer, with an instrumental outro only leaving our boy one last line to sing: "the evening is a mystery/the morning makes it history/Who I am to rate the morning sun?" The Ego that landed ten years ago has now withered away, and we find not a Maladjusted character, nor a Ringleader Of The Tormentors, but someone who has made pop's very own Vauxhall and I, full of melancholy and maturity. It makes him, at last, a genuinely charming man.

james fleet
Oct 29, 2009 2:13pm

Utter rubbish! Get back to Q magazine or wherever you came from with this, no doubt, unsolicited clap-trap.

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Senor Alec
Oct 29, 2009 2:13pm

I don't like Morrissey either.

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John Doran
Oct 29, 2009 2:35pm

Ha ha. I like this James Fleet guy who reads us every day just to work himself up into a booting his TV screen in lather.

I thought the piece was really good myself but I have absolutely no doubt in my mind whatsoever that this album is a steaming pile of shit.

I'm more interested in the fact that Williams seems to have morphed into one of Armstrong and Miller.

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John Doran
Oct 29, 2009 2:36pm

In reply to james fleet:

Oh and La Rogers writes for us, The Guardian, The Observer, Word and The WIRE. All significantly better than Q in my opinion.

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james fleet
Oct 29, 2009 3:21pm

In reply to John Doran:

Just as well you're the one that's paying her then, maan! Noted re the Armstrong and Miller!! God, and that airbrushing too. Howewever, i'm more interested in the fact that Morrissey now resembles a proper old Irish Navvie. When he takes his shirt off these days on stage to reveal his sweaty bulk I fully expect to see a shovel, rather than a gladioli, tossed up. Dig!

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james fleet
Oct 29, 2009 3:22pm

now i'll just remove my brogue from inside the TV

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Johann
Nov 5, 2009 3:22pm

Like Mozza is the standard of Brit musicians? Back in the 90's, Jarvis Cocker was the Britpop Mozza, even though he started his band earlier than the Smiths. Then I hear Alex Turner as the heir to the Mozza. And Lily Allen is the female Mozza. What?!? Now Robbie Williams?!? Observant songwriting has been pretty much the style of most British musicians that includes the Beatles, XTC, David Bowie, not just Morrissey. So why the hell are British musicians judged according to the Mozz standard?
I know this article is supposed to be fun and not serious, but I'm tired of reading things like __ is the new Morrissey. Things like these makes the reader become miserable, thus anyone who reads this is the new Morrissey

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Nov 18, 2009 5:07pm

i wouldn't listen to Robbie Williams if I was in a coma.

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Luke Turner
Nov 18, 2009 6:13pm

In reply to :

I think that works more as a statement of fact than opinion.

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Paul
Nov 27, 2009 12:59pm

'Knutsford City Limits' is a line on Half Man Half Biscuit's 'M6-ster'. Coincidence?

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not a coincidence
Dec 14, 2009 1:27pm

ure mental

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Brad Dilkes
Jan 20, 2010 11:43pm

It has been obvious that Robbie Williams is a fan/imitator of Morrissey for a long time. There is a significant allure to the honesty of Morrissey's artwork. Robbie has taken parts of Morrissey's style and used it to commercial advantage. His Lyrics, on stage appearance and even in some videoclips.

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May 29, 2011 6:07am

In reply to Senor Alec:

Dick

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