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Frankmusik
Complete Me Julian Marszalek , August 6th, 2009 07:24

FROM: Ernst Stavro Blofield
TO: Heads of Department, SPECTRE worldwide
STATUS: Top Secret
RE: The continued destruction of popular culture

Gentlemen,

Firstly, allow me to extend my warmest congratulations on your achievements during this year thus far. Since our esteemed organisation's decision to dispense with the strategy of bringing Western civilisation to its knees through extortion and financial instability, thanks in part to its own leaders doing such a splendid job themselves, we have embarked on an ambitious programme of dismantling popular culture by selling the concept of regurgitated ideas from two decades ago under the guise of cutting edge musical talent for short-term financial gain.

Particular thanks must go to SPECTRE Number 3 for the creation of the flibbertygibbet known as LADY GAGA. Her success has gone beyond our wildest imagination and I must confess to a tinge of doubt when the concept of a vacuous say-nothing punctuated by endless costume changes and materialistic platitudes was first run past me. However, such was the success of this project that it seemed only prudent to rush through similar models of a related calibre. Again, we must extend our thanks to SPECTRE Numbers 7 and 5 for the creation, against the tightest of deadlines, of LITTLE BOOTS, LA ROUX and my particular favourite weapon of mass deception, FLORENCE & THE MACHINE. I think that we can allow ourselves a huge pat on the back for hoodwinking so many in such a short space of time.

However, it remains essential that SPECTRE does not rest on its laurels and to this end, SPECTRE Number 6 has devised the concept of a male counterpart to what has gone on before. After careful planning, we are proud to present FRANKMUSIK. The new product was successfully road-tested earlier this year in conjunction with our subsidiaries at BlackberryTM and MySpace and, though public response has been slower than anticipated, we remain confident that this new product will form an effective rear-guard action once the taste for his female counterparts begins to wane.

The material peddled by our new product largely encompasses re-heated synth-pop with a fashionable 80s sheen (see: 'Three Little Words') and the kind of sappy ballads (see: 'Complete Me') that should make headway into our young demographic target audience. All are topped off with a buttock-clenching falsetto that will be used to good effect when SPECTRE disrupts this year's Cruft's competition. We've also thrown in a Stranglers sample (see: 'When You're Around') for good measure to create additional inter-generational friction. Special mention must be made of Special Agent Stuart Price for bringing the project into fruition.

All that remains is for me to remind you to be ready to strike again soon. Project "RAYGUN" has neared completion and it would not be an understatement to say that expectations are running exceptionally high.

Ernst Stravro Blofeld
SPECTRE Number 1

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