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The Quietus Is Nine: Here's Why We Won't Make Ten Without Your Help
The Quietus , September 4th, 2017 09:01

TL; DR - It'll all be over by Xmas... if we don't get some help from you dear reader, says tQ Ed, John Doran. (Plus an excellent hour's worth of music and chat brought to you by Steve Davis and Kavus Torabi...)

It was the Quietus' ninth birthday on Friday. You might be forgiven for wondering in which case why our celebratory mood has been tempered with anxiety - like Edvard Munch's The Scream in a party hat. This is because we're currently unlikely to make our tenth birthday - or even the end of the year - without some financial assistance from you, dear reader.

I have to say that I think it's absolutely crazy given we are Europe's biggest, fully independent music and culture website, reaching an annual audience of millions all over the globe, with a constant supply of high quality articles and content by some of the best writers in the game, and yet again this month we'll be having a whip round, reaching down the back of the sofa, taking the hammer to the piggy bank, emptying the penny jar and selling the prized vinyl on Discogs, just so we can make the rent.

Because online magazines tend to be overly reliant on banner advertising (something we're working on a solution to behind the scenes) and we're not venture capital/ rich parent/ tax loss funded, we are being absolutely hammered by the recent catastrophic 90% drop off in online ad spend - not to mention the all-too-predictable chicanery by monolithic money hoovering digital monopolies such as Google and Facebook, which has amounted to an arsenic cherry on the cyanide birthday cake this year.

If it helps you to visualise the problem, imagine an egg that a seven year old has painted the face of Jarvis Cocker onto. Now that you have conjured this image into being, picture a cyberman on shore leave pissed up at last orders. Now picture the cyberman - with a semi on and a heart full of hatred - punching the Jarvis egg with all of his terrible might. Do you see the problem?

Now, undoubtedly, there will be some among you who cry: "Why should we care? What good are music magazines in this day and age when everything's already online?" This is a completely fair point, to which I have a simple response: "Have you found any music via the Quietus over the last 12 months?" And if the answer is yes, just give us a fiver if you can afford it (please don't give us money if you're from a low income family, still at school, a struggling student, on benefits, or an elderly person burning books to stay warm - all we ask from you is that you just keep on reading the site and telling your mates about us) and then, karma willing, we'll be around to bring you more incredible music next year.

Sisters and brothers - the belligerent cyberman of digital media destruction (with his tumescent, spiky, flame-throwing, rust-encrusted cyberpenis of woe) is bearing down on us with flailing fists and eyes full of hatred, threatening to bash us permanently into the fizzing void and you are our only hope. Currently only you can stop humpty Jarvis Cocker being punched into street omelette by a bright silver bastard stinking of Stella and frothing at the perfectly rectangular mouth while his mates shout, "Leave it Brian - he's not worth it." Please donate the cost of a pint/ glass of wine/ fancy sandwich to keep us going for another month. And if you're rich, give us more.

Anyway, pinch punch - the first of the month... Last Friday was September's opening salvo, and we were joined in tQHQ by snooker legend and music mensch Steve Davis along with progtacular rock god Kavus Torabi of Knifeworld, Guapo, Gong and the Cardiacs.

The inimitable duo, who co-present The Interesting Alternative Show on Phoenix FM in Essex, not to mention rocking clubs and festival crowds all over Europe with their DJ sets, spinning everything from Magma to Autechre, made the trip to Kings Cross to play us musical selections from Emmett Elvin, Alec K. Redfearn and the Eyesores, Skeletons, Albert Marcoeur, Stars In Battledress, North Sea Radio Orchestra, Teleplasmiste and Peter Frohmader.

They were two of many, many guests on (what will hopefully be) the inaugural Quietus Day Of Radio. Thanks to everyone who was part of this 12 hour epic - especially Seb and Iain... we spent the whole period celebrating the best in underground, DIY and global music. We were also joined by Saul from Fat White Family, Nadine Shah and the Last Skeptic, it's no surprise we ended up trending on Twitter. And that's before we get to the mind expanding exploration of Japanese psych and foghorns by Jennifer Lucy-Allan; a trip round the extreme metal fringes of India with Pavan & Pravin Mukhi (aka Foreign Beggars); Ruth Barnes (The Other Woman) and Piney Gir playing indie, folk and exotica; the heroic and inimitable Lone Taxidermist, not to mention appearances from all the Quietus staffers.

Keep on watching this slot - we have more shows going up this week. Tell your mates. Tell your nan.

John Doran, tQ (Editorial) Editor