Dads have it hard. They have to clean gutters. They have to have the sex talk with the kid. And they die younger than mothers. But you know who really has it hard? Kids without dads. Especially the celluloid ones, because they have to live out their whole, fake lives searching for father figures and symbolic replacements.

Whether we’re talking gigantic robots with masticating digger heads for hands, ancient kung fu tutors, extra-terrestrial visitors, dead child psychologists or facially tattooed right wing nut jobs, cinema world has a strange idea about what constitutes an acceptable dad substitute.

Click the image below to look through our gallery.

You can find David Bax's latest Battleship Pretension podcast here

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