Right. John's asked me to keep this intro "upbeat and fun". While Upbeat and Fun may be my middle names, in a more literal sense, my middle name is actually Brian. And it's Brian who wants to make a very-short-but-not-very-serious point before getting out of way and letting Upbeat and Fun take over. Thing is, I've always resisted the temptation to produce an Uptight CD or publish Uptight set-lists on our website. I've nothing against clubs that do, you understand, but to me they can smack of telling people This Is What's Cool – and, personally, I immediately start bristling as soon as I suspect I'm on the verge of being told This Is What's Cool. Also, I'm a great admirer of Mark E. Smith's attitude that one shouldn't give away all of one's secrets and fully approve of his indignant "Notebooks Out Plagiarists!" battle-cry (of course, I'm fully aware that M.E.S. is talking about one of the Greatest Bands Of All Time as opposed to a fairly amateurish monthly club night in a basement bar on Great Portland Street, but, hey, let's not split hairs here.)

Now, before this piece is (rightfully) attacked by a deluge of Who Does This Bloke Think He Is? comments, let me qualify the above by happily conceding that my anti-public playlist stance is also in a large part due to laziness, lack of confidence, delusions of grandeur, self-depreciation, paranoia, modesty, lack of interest (from within and without), over-preciousness, blinkered finger-off-the-pulse-head-in-the-sand ignorance, and stupidity.

But, it was our 9th Birthday recently and seeing how John has kindly asked me to provide the Quietus with a Spotify playlist, I figured, 'What the hell, lighten up you twit: you're probably the only person who worries about this stuff anyway'. And so, as a great man once said, "pull up your cushions, or whatever else you have with you that makes life bearable in Texas": here is Uptight's Spotify playlist, AKA This Is Cool (natch). Basically, a brief example of the kind of things you might hear if you were to stumble down the stairs of the Albany on any one of these last Saturdays' of the month . . .

Click here to listen to Uptight's 9th birthday Spotify playlist

Early Set

Nothing too taxing at this stage of the evening. Music to sit and drink to. Easy listening without being Easy Listening. And here's a DJing tip for when the doors open and you're stuck behind the decks facing an empty club: just stick on Kraftwerk's Autobahn. For starters, it's almost half an hour long. This not only guarantees there'll be music playing when the first people enter the club, but also ensures you won't be throwing away some great shorter tracks on an empty room. And, by the time it's finished, you're bound to have some punters in. Lazy DJing? Hmmm. Expedient says we.

Kraftwerk - 'Autobahn'
Karen Dalton – 'How Did The Feeling Feel To You?'
Spiritualized – 'Let It Flow'
Bo Diddley – 'Ooh, Baby'
New Order – 'Your Silent Face'

Build-Up Set

Music to tap one's feet to. The standing may shimmy. The bar-flies may nod their heads. Some of the more drunk/drugged/fanatical may even decide that this is the moment to make their debut on upon the dance-floor. And as they do, three DJs breath a sigh of relief.

Bruce Springsteen – 'Pink Cadillac'
Nick Cave & The Bad Seeds – 'More News From Nowhere'
U-Roy – 'Wear You To The Ball'
Tricky – 'So Far Away'
Patti Smith - 'Gloria'

Late Set

And once we're up and running, This Is It. Take No Prisoners. If They Move, Kill ‘Em. Dance, Dance, Dance. Nothing's Gonna Stop Us Now. (et cetera et cetera et cetera)

LCD Soundsystem – 'All My Friends'
Von Sudenfed - 'Rhinohead'
New York Dolls - 'Trash'
Chuck Berry – 'Too Much Monkey Business'
Bob Dylan – 'Subterranean Homesick Blues'
Deerhunter – 'Nothing Ever Happened'

And, finally . . .

. . . at the end of every single Uptight for the last 9 years:

The Velvet Underground – 'After Hours'

That's your lot. Thanks for reading/listening. Hopefully see you soon. Good night, God bless, drive carefully.

Wayne Upbeat Brian Fun Gooderham

Uptight is in the basement of The Albany opposite Great Portland Street tube station on the last Saturday of every month. Find out more on the Uptight website