Depresséd is the cheesemaker, for his wares have been taken from the shelves. News reaches the Quietus that the range of cheeses Alex James put his name to for ASDA have taken off the shelves. Some called the flavours (such as cheddar with salad cream, tomato ketchup and tikka masala) exotic. We prefer to think of them as perverse deviations from the righteous and proper celebration of one of humanity's finest achievements, for which he must surely be summarily punished. Anyway, there has been a partial victory - we're told that sweet chilli and spring onion are still on the shelves, but the rest are gone. An ASDA spokesperson told The Daily Star that they felt "Clearly some of them were ahead of their time."